The Nightmare of Gotham
by Nightmare1
Summary: The Joker comes up with a great scheme to get rid of Batman once and for all, one that requires the help of all of Gotham's villains! Unfortunately, Harley feels something will go terribly, terribly wrong. Based on The Nightmare Before Christmas.
1. Introduction

Genre: General/Parody  
  
Rated: PG for violence, suspense, and surprise  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters used here. Warner Brothers and DC Comics own the Joker, Harley Quinn, etc. Batman is owned by Bob Kane. The story line to Tim Burton's The Nightmare Before Christmas obviously belongs to Tim Burton.  
  
~~~  
  
(Background: This story formed as a result of the Arkham Parodies, NMBC songs sung by the Gotham villains. As I wrote them, I noticed how some of the Batman characters related to some of the NMBC ones. After toying with the idea for a while, I sat down and wrote this out. It took a few months [I kept getting stuck and setting it aside, especially for a lot of the Joker scenes] but at last it is complete.  
  
I did my best to keep the Gotham characters in character while at the same time keeping the qualities of the Nightmare characters. It was not an easy task, but nonetheless, it had to be done. I apologize for any out of character behavior, though I did pull a few story line twists just to hopefully keep the Batman characters more IC. Here is my masterpiece, my fusion of my two favorite fandoms, "The Nightmare of Gotham.")  
  
~~~  
  
Chapter 1: Introduction  
  
(Robin) It was a dark, quiet night.  
  
Everywhere, tall buildings stood, waiting,  
  
Lurking in the shadows of the pale yellow moon  
  
Each building, though straight  
  
Looked slightly twisted in its own way.  
  
In Gotham City, many villains worked  
  
To the beat of their tune  
  
In a section of the city where most of the buildings were old and abandoned  
  
A community was formed  
  
The Underworld of Gotham as it was known  
  
A place of refuge  
  
A need for revenge  
  
It was where the city's bitter seeds were all sown  
  
It was in the Underworld where the town's crooks and knaves gathered to live.  
  
It was in the Underworld where you never had to do as you were told  
  
It was in the Underworld where illegal trades were made and wicked plots hatched.  
  
It was in the Underworld where this delicate story will unfold... 


	2. The Underworld of Gotham

Chapter 2: The Underworld of Gotham

A young woman with pale skin, green eyes and red hair was walking down the street. She wore a dark, hunter green trench coat, and her red hair fluttered slightly in the faint wind. She pulled her coat more tightly around her as her boots hit the ground, a small echo bouncing off the wall around her. Every once in a while she would stop and listen. She knew the Arkham authorities would be after her for this escape, but she also knew she would be safe soon.

The woman scowled as she thought about the escape tonight. It had been arranged by a man that she most despised---and he despised her as well. Naturally, she was left behind. She then turned at a corner, the boundary of the Underworld. She walked on, her green eyes scanning for intruders. She turned another corner and entered a small shaded cutout. Here, another woman is waiting.

She was dressed in a tight-fitting, black and red Harlequin outfit. Her face was painted white like a porcelain doll, and a small black mask framed her brilliant blue eyes. The first woman, Poison Ivy, reached out to the second, Harley Quinn.

"Good evening, Harls," said Ivy. "I am pleased to see you here on time."

"Sure, Red," said Harley. "I didn't think you would be left behind, but I'm glad yer here!"

"Yeah," said Ivy, ignoring the misunderstanding in Harley's sentence.

The two women turned the corner, entering the Underworld.

The Underworld was completely run down and shady, with several old buildings scattered around unsafe alleys. It was in this place where Gotham's worst hoodlums and criminals made themselves at home. As Harley and Ivy entered, a few of their cohorts dashed past.

"Hey, Johnny! Eddie! What's the rush?" Harley called.

The two men, the Scarecrow and the Riddler, stopped.

"We must hurry!" the Scarecrow said. "The celebration is almost through!"

"What celebration?" asked Ivy.

"The one we are hosting for the Joker!" the Riddler replied, before he and the Scarecrow rushed off.

"Oh yeah!" Harley said, grabbing Ivy's arm. She pulled her towards the "square" of the Underworld. "Puddin' helped everyone escape, so we're celebratin'!"

Ivy stopped her.

"He didn't help me..."

"He probably just forgot! Come on!"

Harley grabbed her arm and made her follow.

In the midst of the Underworld, a crowd had gathered. The Joker had finally made his appearance. He was Gotham's most notorious criminal, and came up with supposedly the best (and craziest) schemes. Because of this, he had earned slightly more respect among his cohorts, except to those such as Poison Ivy, who loathed him, and Two Face, who found him somewhat annoying.

Tonight, he had just earned even more respect, for with his cleverness, he was able to break almost every prisoner out of Arkham. He had hoped to earn a somewhat higher status among some of his fellow Arkhamites, to prove he was indeed Gotham's greatest criminal. He would soon find out his plan worked a little too well.

"Hello, Joker," said the Penguin, seemingly the second in charge of this small "town." He was like the Mayor of the Underworld, second only to the Joker. "I must say, last night's escape was rather brilliant. You managed to get most of us through!"

"Yeah, I guess," said the Joker, with a grin. No one noticed the slight dullness crawling into his voice.

Ivy, who was nearby, scoffed.

"Everyone but me..."

She wasn't the least bit surprised. She and the Joker hated each other, though occasionally, they could tolerate one another. Harley, who was beside her, let out a dreamy sigh.

"He's brilliant, isn't he?"

"Yeah," said Ivy. "About as brilliant as an old light bulb."

Harley didn't even notice the insult. She was too busy gazing upon the Joker, the man she loved. Ivy tugged on her arm.

"Come on. We're leaving."

"But I don't want to leave!"

Ivy pulled !" she exclaimed, taking a step back with each word.

"No...I'm...not!"

Harley twisted her arm in a way that made Ivy let go. Her red glove slipped off her hand as she made a mad dash towards the crowd. Ivy, still gripping the glove, fell back into a puddle, her trench coat getting all wet. Harley ran off, trying to get away from the overprotection of her best friend. Ivy slowly got up and ran after her.

"Harley! Come back! Come back here, you foolish---hey!"

She had bumped into the Killer Croc and he had pushed her back. Ivy struggled to push her way through, but failed. The crowd was just too thick. Harley had gotten away. She pouted.

"Harley..."

The Joker was having a fairly bad time as well. Several of his cohorts kept coming up to him, to thank him for releasing them from the bounds of Arkham Asylum. He was happy that success was his, but now it was getting to be a bit too much.

"Please, Joker," said Catwoman. "Tell us the secret again!"

"Can't. What if someone's eavesdropping?" said the Joker, trying to find an excuse to get away from the praise and gratitude of his fellow Arkhamites.

"Don't be silly," said the Riddler. "This is the Underworld!"

"S-so it is," said Joker.

Now he _really_ needed to get away.

"Hold it," said the Penguin, through a megaphone. "We have some others who deserve a great thanks, as they participated quite marvelously in the Joker's plan."

The crowd turned towards Penguin.

"The first to be recognized is our marvelous Scarecrow, for creating the fear serum to scare the main guards..."

The Scarecrow stepped forward and bowed, a bottle of fear serum clasped in his hand.

'_Good old bird_,' thought the Joker. '_He really saved my neck this time_...'

"Our second and an honorable mention goes to Catwoman for distracting Batman..."

The crowd applauded again as Catwoman took a bow as well. While the crowd was still distracted, the Joker quickly and quietly slipped away, now that the crowd's attention was elsewhere. He sighed as he walked down a dark, quiet street, towards the tallest building in the Underworld---his home.

The tower was tall, with a tall set of stairs leading up to the door. It was an older building, with gray coating peeling off, exposing the black bricks underneath. It did not look in the least bit his type, which was great for throwing Batman off track. The Joker climbed up the stairs and entered.

Inside, stairs spiraled all the way up, almost like the inside of a castle or a lighthouse. He ran up the stairs. Inside was a long hallway. Along each side were five doors, and at the end was one more door. It was this door that the Joker entered. Inside was another flight of stairs, which spiraled to a door above the one the Joker just entered. This was the entrance to the main room.

The main room was as big and brilliant as a ballroom. It had a high ceiling, five stories tall. The floor was like a giant checkerboard, with several red and black squares. The walls were lined with giant playing cards and in each of the corners were a purple curtain bearing a giant club, heart, diamond or spade, the four card suits. In the center, a mighty green and purple throne stood tall.

To the left, eight giant Scrabble tiles lined the floor. The word "STALK" went down, like on a crossword puzzle. The "K" was connected to "KILL," which went across. To the right were several giant building blocks, spelling out, "JEST." Also scattered about the room were what appeared to be giant toys, like wind-up cars and jack-in-the-boxes. A few pieces of furniture floated among the room.

The Joker took a deep breath, and walked down the red carpet to the center wall where his throne was placed.

Unknown to the Joker, someone else was hiding in the main room. Behind the giant building blocks, Harley Quinn was sitting there, trying to set her thoughts in order. She had come here when she ran away from Poison Ivy, knowing it was the one place Ivy would avoid, as it was the Joker's domains. She looked at her bare right hand, where her red glove once was.

Harley had heard the doors open and peeked out just enough to see it was the Joker. At first she felt like running towards him, but seeing his head hanging low like that, she decided not to. She watched as the Joker sighed and sat down upon his mighty throne. Beside it was a little red pillow, where she would sit when she felt like being near him, which was fairly often. The Joker lied back in his throne, then stood up, before he slowly began to talk to himself, walking around the room.

"Out of us all, it has been shown that I am the best," he said to himself. "When it comes to a theft or a crime, I excel easily. Just a flick of my wrist and a blast of my gun, and anyone who's in my way is out of the picture."

He began to laugh insanely at the thought. Harley, who had only one eye exposed from behind the blocks, now came a little closer. She listened to him, smiling. The Joker stopped laughing, then sighed, as though bored.

"Yet night after night it's the same routine. I go to commit a crime, shoot whoever's in my way...and then, more often than not, I have Batman on my tail!"

He growled at the thought, then sighed again.

"And now...I've grown so weary of the sound of screams. It bores me to my skull to just shoot whoever happens to be in my way. Even laughing gas and my Joker toxin has lost its fun!"

He walked back to his throne and sat down. Harley gasped and shrunk back. The Joker rested an elbow on the armrest, then rested his head on his elbow.

"Somewhere inside me...something calls. My desire to be rid of the Bat once and for all. If only I could win over him!" He growled, then sighed. "But alas, the bitter jest of fate! Somehow, I don't think I'll ever be rid of him---"He looked like he was going to smack himself. "What am I saying? I'll kill him eventually...and when I do, it will be my biggest masterpiece! I shall pull a real corker; the ultimate humiliation of Batman, followed by his deliciously delirious death!"

He laughed for a minute, then sighed, falling back into his bored and miserable state. Harley, who had just dared to peek out again, ducked back, sharing his pain. The Joker sighed again.

"But...no one understands. No one understands my madness and my reasons for wanting him dead. It's not for the crimes he's stopped me for. It's much, much deeper."

The Joker growled.

"He created me. Each night I close my eyes...and I see _him_! I hear the splash, and feel my body change...I was his first enemy, and every night I relive when I became his first enemy! He _changed_ me! He _created_ me. It was his fault I became what I am now, and yet---he doesn't seem to care! Oh, how sweet revenge shall taste!"

He clutched his head in his hands, as though thinking about it put a vice on his head.

"Oh, what jealousy! It burns to my very bones! Every time I confront him, he wins! Even if I escape, he still has won the battle! How I tire of each well thought scheme going up into smoke, blowing up in my face! If only he were gone! ...If only he were gone..."

Harley, who had been watching this from her little corner, struggled to hold back her tears. So that was what was bugging him! Once again, Batman was all that was on his mind. She knew the feeling. Batman had always been the reason for his misery, the reason he could not be truly happy. Even her unconditional love for him could not penetrate through the thoughts that plagued her Puddin's mind.

"Oh, Mistah J," she whispered to herself, her voice so low and quiet that she hardly heard it herself. "I know how you feel."

She watched as the Joker rubbed his temples with one hand, the other clutching tightly to his armrest. Slowly, she leaned in, trying to get a better glimpse of him.

Suddenly, the block Harley was leaning on slipped, falling to the floor. The Joker jumped slightly then turned to her in surprise. Harley looked up at him. His lovely green eyes were full of surprise. Slowly, they began to grow brighter, but not in love. He got off of his throne and began to come towards her. The fire in his eyes blazed in anger.

Normally, Harley would have been swallowed alive with love in those eyes, despite the danger that often followed, but this time, the fury burned with such a menacing flame that it set her very soul ablaze with fear. The Joker slowly came towards her, each step echoing in a lethal way. Harley was too paralyzed with fear to move. She now realized he hadn't wanted anyone to hear his meandering, especially not her.

"What are you doing here?" he hissed.

Harley found it hard to speak.

"I...I..." she choked out.

"WHAT are you doing here?"

Harley's voice died in her throat. She was too terrified to reply. The Joker was now very close. Without warning, he reached out and grabbed her wrist, then pulled her to her feet. Harley stumbled slightly as he did, quickly maintaining her balance.

"I asked you a question," he growled, his face coming towards hers, "and I want an answer. Now!"

"I---I'm sorry!"

The Joker twisted her arm back. Harley hissed in pain, trying to counteract him.

"Sorry, sorry," he sneered. "You're always sorry!"

He pushed her back into the wall. Harley tried to push him off, but his grip was like steel. She felt his fingers start to dig into her skin, the blunt tips almost more painful than knives.

"Why were you listening?"

Harley struggled to hold back her tears.

"I-I don't know why, M-Mistah J," she sobbed. "I-I heard you come in. I didn't know you wanted to be alone...so I...so I stayed!"

The Joker pulled her away from the wall and threw her, front first, as hard as he could to the ground, then kicked her. Harley tried to get up, clutching her side. He loomed over her, his once smiling face now turned down into a terrifying scowl.

"Get out."

Harley looked up at him. He looked down at her, like the Beast who had just discovered Belle in the West Wing.

"GET OUT!"

Harley scrambled to her feet and made a mad dash for the door.

"FASTER!" the Joker screamed. "GET OUT!"

He picked up a nearby jack-in-the-box and threw it at her. It made contact with Harley's right shoulder blade. She fell down again, clutching the place where the jack-in-the-box hit her. The Joker was coming after her.

"GET OUUUUT!"

With tears streaming down her cheeks, Harley quickly got back on her feet. She ran from the room, her fear giving her more speed than she had ever experienced before. She stumbled down the stairs, nearly falling down them as she struggled to get down. She then ran out of the hideout and into the streets.

Rain was pouring. Harley sat on the steps, crossing her arms over her chest in an effort to keep warm. She gently rubbed the back of her right shoulder, where the jack-in-the-box had hit her. Harley sat there and thought for a few minutes, before she got up. Since the Joker kicked her out, there was only one place left for her to go---Ivy's place.

Harley thought for a minute. She didn't want to face her best friend right now, but the Joker had once again kicked her out. Now her only options were to wait in the rain, go to Ivy's, or see if anyone else was willing to take her in. Harley sighed. No one else really cared about her. To the rest of the Underworld, she was simply Joker's girlfriend, his property, nothing more, and nothing less.

The rain poured even harder. Harley slowly got up and headed towards Ivy's greenhouse. At least she knew she was always welcome there.

Her feet splashed in the thin film of water that now covered the sidewalk and streets. The cold water was cutting through her clothes. Harley wrapped her arms more tightly around her. She felt like a drowned rat. The water blurred her vision, but she kept going. It seemed to take forever, but soon, she arrived at Ivy's place.

Ivy was sitting on her couch, reading the paper, when there was a knock at the door. Her giant bush began to writhe and shriek, the signal that she had a visitor. Irritated at the thought of intruders, she set the paper down on the coffee table and went to answer it.

It was Harley. She was cold and shivering, as she had been soaked to the bone. Rain poured around her. The look on her face showed that her heart had been broken. Again. Ivy gasped upon seeing her.

"Harley! What happened?"

Harley looked up at her. Her teeth chattered as she spoke.

"He...he threw me out."

Ivy gently took her ungloved hand and led her inside. She had her sit on the couch, and got her a blanket. Harley curled up, wrapping it around her. Ivy made her some special herbal tea, before she sat down beside Harley.

"What happened? Why did he throw you out?"

Harley was silent for a few minutes. A few tears slipped down her white painted cheeks.

"I...I was spying on him. I was in the room first, because I...had run away from you and was trying to think...but then Mistah J entered. I hid, because I saw he was upset. Not angry upset, but sad upset."

"The Joker sad?" asked Ivy. The thought seemed to amuse her. "Now there's something you don't see everyday..."

"It wasn't just that, Red. He was bored, too."

"So he decided to throw you out to liven things up?"

"No." She took a sip of the tea. "When he finished talking about how he was sick of going after Batman, he discovered I was in the room too. I didn't know that he wanted to be alone. He was mad that I had heard him, and when he found me...he was furious. He told me to get out."

She pulled the blanket even more tightly around her. She took another sip of the tea. Whatever plant Ivy used, it was warming her up quickly.

"Harley, I keep telling you that he's nothing but trouble."

"I know, Red, but...I love him."

She gently set the now empty teacup down. Tears came to her beautiful sapphire blue eyes. Ivy gently pulled her into a hug, when she felt Harley flinch. A small gasp of pain came from her friend's dark red lips. Ivy quickly let go.

"Harley, you're hurt!"

Harley pushed her away, gently rubbing her right shoulder.

"Harley, please, let me have a look at that."

Harley hesitated, but did as Ivy told her. Ivy carefully unzipped Harley's outfit only enough to take a look at her shoulder.

"You're shoulder is fractured, Harley," said Ivy. "What happened?"

"He slammed me into the wall, and then he threw me to the floor, and then he yelled at me to get out...and as I was running, he threw something at me," said Harley, almost as if all this was perfectly normal.

"Harls, how can you let him do this?"

"I didn't know he was going to throw something at me!"

Ivy sighed. This was typical Harley talk. As usual, her love for the Joker blinded her to anything else---especially the abuse he threw at her.

"You MUST stay here with me," Ivy insisted.

"But I can't, Red. At least, not forever."

"Harley, he hurt you! You're not going back!"

Harley sighed.

"I can't."

"But you must! We just need to be patient, that's all."

"But I don't want to _be_ patient."

Ivy sighed, then left the room to get a special plant mixture. When she came back, she rubbed some of the liquid on Harley's shoulder. Soon, it was fixed.

"Better?" asked Ivy.

"Much," replied Harley.

Ivy zipped up her outfit.

"Come. I'll show you to your room."

Harley followed without another word. The room Ivy gave her was always her room. Inside was a small bed with a red and black diamond blanket. A trunk full of clothes was at the very end of the room. In the center was a balance beam.

Harley sighed. She quickly changed out of her wet clothes and slipped into some red pajamas. She then went up to her bed and reached underneath the mattress. Harley pulled out a photo of herself and Joker. At the top left corner, just above their smiling faces were the words, "Harley baby, love ya forever."

SHe touched it gingerly. She had to keep this hidden from Ivy at all times, as she and the Joker hated each other. She was always caught between them, her best friend and her lover. Harley sat on the edge of her bed, still gazing at the photo.

"Oh, Mistah J," she whispered, touching his face. "Mistah J..."

Downstairs, Ivy was relaxing in of her vines. It was curved like a hammock, and was gently rocking her back and forth.

"Why doesn't she get it?" Ivy asked herself. "It happens all the time. He'll hit her, throw her out, leave her out on her own, and as always, I end up taking her in."

She sighed, then rolled onto her stomach. The vine curved upward, making it easier for Ivy to lay on it.

"I love Harley. She's a sister to me, but...she just doesn't understand. She can't make it in this world alone. It is too dangerous. The Joker is too dangerous. She is going to get herself killed one day."

She sighed again, and stroked her vine, her precious baby.

"I am going to protect her this time," she declared to the plant. "Harley must not go back to the Joker. I won't let her go out and get herself killed. She will stay with me at all times...just the two of us...best friends."

Ivy rolled on her back and slid down the vine. A fresh determination to keep her love struck friend away from that lunatic filled her heart. She was going to do everything and everything to keep Harley safe from this world...and more importantly, the Joker.


	3. The Joker's Discovery

Chapter 3: The Joker's Discovery  
  
The Joker, had, in the meantime calmed down. As soon as Harley had left, a faint bubble of guilt formed in his chest, but he pushed it back down. She shouldn't have been listening! He sat down on his throne and fumed for a few more minutes, before his temper wore off. He sighed, his boredom and longing taking control of his thoughts.  
  
The Joker got off of his throne, before he went to the exit on the other side of the room. He went down several flights of stairs, before heading outside, having decided that a brisk walk would do him well.  
  
It had stopped raining. He walked down the street, keeping to the shadows, hoping he wouldn't be noticed by any of his peers. The air was cool and humid, with the scent of water, just the way the world always is after a heavy rainfall. The scents were rather calming, clearing his mind and making it easier to think.  
  
He pulled his purple trench coat tighter around him, walking in the shadows of the city, not caring where he went right now. He kept walking, further, and further. Soon, he barely felt or heard his footsteps gently hit the ground or echo in the empty streets. The Joker kept walking, his mind full of boredom and yearning.  
  
"There's something missing," the Joker said to himself. "There is just...some humor that has been overlooked. I work night and day, for weeks at a time to come up with a rather brilliant scheme...but nothing ever works. Even the plans that would work have no humor in them, no joke. What is even worse is I am often so stressed after a fight that I forget what went wrong and end up repeating myself!"  
  
He sighed and looked up at the sky, still painted with black rain clouds.  
  
"I need something new...something I haven't tried before...but what? What can I be missing?"  
  
His thoughts wandered even more. He sighed again and leaned against a building. The longing inside him grew bigger, the fire of his hatred for Batman growing brighter. His mind was blank, save for the need to try something new. He scowled, then continued on his way.  
  
~~~  
  
The next morning, the Penguin drove up in a small, old-fashioned black limousine. He got out and went to the Joker's tower, his arms laden with blueprints, lists, and plans. He rang the doorbell, which was a recording of maniacal laughter. He gently hummed for a minute, before he rang it once more.  
  
"Joker?" he called, knocking on the door.  
  
There was no answer. He knocked again.  
  
"Joker!"  
  
There was still no answer.  
  
"Joker! I've got some plans to rid us of Batman! Please! I'd like to go over them with you! I need you!"  
  
There was still no answer. The Penguin went over to his limousine and pulled out his megaphone.  
  
"Joker! Answer me---yaaaaaah!"  
  
As he leaned back to shout, the Penguin slipped. He rolled down the Joker's tall set of porch steps, before he came to a stop at the bottom. He got up and dusted himself off.  
  
"Hmph!"  
  
It was then that one of the henchmen finally answered the door.  
  
"It's about time," said the Penguin as he dusted off his hat. He placed it on his head. "Where is the Joker? I need to see him at once!"  
  
"He's not home," said the henchman.  
  
"What?" asked the Penguin. "Where is he?"  
  
"He hasn't been home all night."  
  
"Well, that's just peachy," said the Penguin, picking up the plans that he had dropped. "Looks like these will have to wait..."  
  
~~~  
  
The Joker's meandering led him deep inside Gotham, onto streets that were somewhat unfamiliar to him. He looked around. It was still very early in the morning, with the sun just barely starting to rise. He felt grateful for it, as no one was on the streets right now. The Joker kept walking, the dark blue sky slowly lighting up.  
  
The Joker yawned.  
  
"Where am I?" he asked himself, then looked around. "It's...someplace...new..." He looked around the streets. "What is this?"  
  
Suddenly, he stopped. There, across the street, was the Batmobile.  
  
"Holy bat-trap," he whispered, not knowing why he said it.  
  
Behind him, without his knowing, a manhole cover quietly slid to the side. The Joker gulped, a little nervous. He took a few steps back, eyes scanning for the hero and his little sidekick. Suddenly, there was nothing under his feet. Had he had been walking forward, rather than back, he would have seen the now open manhole right behind him.  
  
"Whooooooooooooooooa!" he exclaimed.  
  
Only seconds after his screams died down did the manhole cover slip automatically into place, where Gotham's most notorious criminal had fallen inside.  
  
~~~  
  
The Joker slid down a steep but smooth spiraling slide. He slid, faster and faster, wind blowing back his hair and rushing past his ears, roaring in them.  
  
When the ride finally stopped, the Joker landed headfirst on the hard ground. He rolled for a bit, dizzy, before his head slammed into the wall. A few shrieks and the flutter of leather wings were heard, but were gone soon.  
  
The Joker slowly sat up, rubbing his aching head, trying to clear the dizziness away. When he did, he saw a set of stairs that had been carved into this...cavern. Down below, he saw a round platform with a long path leading into the darkness. From that platform was a ramp, and a small set of stairs that led to a giant computer.  
  
The ceiling was high, with tall, looming arches supporting it. The hallway and dark and cavernous, with huge stone walls and moisture dripping from the ceiling. Occasionally, the shriek of a bat could be heard. The Joker grinned, for somehow, this simple yet elegant place intrigued him. He ran down the long stairs leading from the platform he was currently on down to the one with the empty round platform. From there, he climbed up the few steps to the computer.  
  
'I've never seen a computer like this,' he thought to himself. 'I wonder how well I can hack in...'  
  
The Joker grinned to himself. It was often mere child's play for him to be able to tap into government files. Why should this be any different? He cracked his knuckles and without a care in the world, he tapped a few keys. Suddenly, a profile came up. It was the Scarecrow's.  
  
"Jonathon Crane," he read off the screen. He tapped a few more keys. "As a child, he was often picked on for his small size...has a fascination with fear...enjoys injecting his victims with various serums...I knew all that..."  
  
The Joker played with a few more keys. More profiles came up: Killer Croc, Baby Doll, Ra's Al Ghul, Poison Ivy, the Riddler---only to name a few. He grinned and with a few taps, he brought up his own profile.  
  
"And what does this guy have to say about me, eh?" he wondered. The screen soon came up. "The Joker. Real name: unknown. Old occupation: unknown. Status: the most notorious." He grinned. "This guy knows me very well..."  
  
His hand slipped and tapped another key. This one brought up all the records of every crime committed by any of the Arkhamites. The Joker read what was on the screen, then gasped. He recognized several of these heists as his own! The laughing fish, the New Year's Eve stunt with the sonic bomb, even the one time where he had knocked Harley out the window of the old Aquacade! And only one person would have known THAT well enough to write such a detailed report---Batman. He now knew exactly where he was.  
  
"This is the Batcave?" he whispered to himself. He attempted to delete the file, but nothing happened. Grumbling to himself, he got up and set the chair and screen exactly the way they were when he first came in. He had just barely stepped down from the platform when he heard a familiar rumbling. It was the Batmobile. Thinking fast, the Joker hid behind some tall stalagmites that were jutting from the floor. As soon as he got in a decent position, he watched as the car pulled up on the round empty platform.  
  
Batman came out, with Robin right behind him.  
  
"Come on, Robin," Batman said. "We need to get this analyzed."  
  
He went up to the computer. The Joker watched him from his hiding place. He knew he could attack now, but thought better of it. He knew Batman must not know that he had stumbled upon his hideout---at least, not yet. He looked behind him. There, by chance, was a spare belt. Grinning he picked it up, but waited for the right moment to get away.  
  
While Batman and Robin were distracted with the computer (they weren't talking; all he heard was the striking of the keys), he tiptoed back up to the platform where he came in, seeing how long the Batmobile's path was, and how in sight it was, for that matter.  
  
Slowly, ever so slowly, he climbed up to the first platform, and into the small hideaway where the slide was. Fastening the belt to his waist, he carefully climbed back up, careful not to slip or make any noise. Sure, he could have stayed and listened, but that would also increase his chances of getting caught---not something he planned to do at this moment. Instead, he climbed back out, knowing it would take a while. In the meantime, his twisted mind was forming a plan...a plan to get Batman once and for all.  
  
~~~  
  
Several Arkhamites were gathered in the center of the town.  
  
"This has never happened before!" Riddler exclaimed. "The Joker has never just disappeared like that! At least, not after a fight with Batman..."  
  
"It's suspicious," said Catwoman. "And I don't like suspicious."  
  
"It's peculiar," said the Mr. Freeze in agreement.  
  
"It's scary," said the Scarecrow. "Well, maybe not in fear, but in a rather bizarre way..."  
  
"Stand aside," said Penguin, pushing them aside. "Coming through!"  
  
Catwoman hissed as he passed. The Penguin walked onto a small platform and pulled out his megaphone.  
  
"We've got to find the Joker!" he exclaimed. "Without his brilliance, we can't launch a new attack on Batman! Now, is there anywhere we've forgotten to check?"  
  
"I looked in all the allies and checked the rooftops," said Catwoman. "He isn't there."  
  
"I checked the papers for recent crimes," said the Ventriloquist.  
  
"Yeah," Scarface added. "We ain't seen him, got it?"  
  
"He wasn't on last night's news," said Two Face, flipping his coin. It landed scar-side up, showing how he was going to feel about this. "Like I care, anyway..."  
  
"We searched the entire Underworld," said Riddler. "He isn't anywhere!"  
  
"Then it's time to send an alert!" said Penguin.  
  
He turned to Catwoman. She nodded and leapt onto the nearby building, then rushed to deliver the message, as she was the quickest and slyest. She ran around the Underworld, giving the message to everyone she met. Down below, the crowd departed to help. They all rushed to those that were still down in their lairs and hideouts, giving them the urgent news.  
  
~~~  
  
Ivy was upstairs, working on a plant experiment. Catwoman was at her window. She was about to tap the glass to get Ivy's attention, but stopped. Ivy couldn't care less if the Joker was gone. She would probably cheer for his absence. Catwoman then jumped down onto the window below.  
  
Harley was in the kitchen, making some soup for Ivy. Catwoman tapped on the glass. At first, Harley didn't hear, as she was going through the cupboards, looking for something. Catwoman waited as she found what she was looking for. She watched as Harley added something to the soup, before she tapped again.  
  
"Huh?" Harley asked herself. She turned around, to see Catwoman. She came to the window and opened it. "Hey, Whiskers."  
  
"I have an important message," said Catwoman. "The Joker is missing. He's been gone since last night. Have you seen him?"  
  
Harley gasped.  
  
"...Mistah J? Missing?"  
  
Catwoman nodded.  
  
"Keep an eye out, okay?"  
  
Harley nodded as Catwoman jumped from the ledge and scampered away to finish delivering the message. Harley slowly closed the window. She sighed, knowing Ivy would refuse to let her out to look for him. There had to be a way. Harley leaned on the counter and thought. She stirred the pot, then went to the cupboard. Knowing well that any plant toxin was pointless against Ivy's immune system, she pulled out a bottle of sleeping pills.  
  
'These should keep her down,' she thought to herself.  
  
Harley poured a few into the herbal broth. The pills dissolved almost on contact with the steaming liquid. She went back to the cover.  
  
"Rosemary will usually cover these."  
  
Harley added this to the soup as well. The smoke changed and spiraled so suddenly that Harley didn't have a chance to take a proper breath. It came up into her face and caught her by surprise. Harley twirled, dizzy, in effort to regain her posture.  
  
"Oh, bitter!" she managed to choke out, leaning against the counter for support. She reached up into the cabinet and began to pull down several vials.  
  
"Come on," she whispered. "Sweet pea...sweet pea..."  
  
Harley found it just as Ivy's voice rang out.  
  
"Harley-girl?" she called sweetly. "Is everything all right down there?"  
  
"S-sure, Red!" Harley's bubbly voice replied. "I'll---be up in a minute!"  
  
She quickly dumped in the sweet pea. When the fumes no longer made her gag, she breathed a sigh of relief. She then ladled some up and carried it to Ivy.  
  
~~~  
  
Ivy was examining some plant cells in her microscope as Harley came up.  
  
"Lunch," Harley said, cheerfully setting the bowl in front of Ivy.  
  
"Thanks, Harl," said Ivy, breathing it in. "Mmm, sweet pea. I think you outdid yourself this time."  
  
"I know you love it," Harley said, smiling.  
  
Ivy sniffed it again.  
  
"...And rosemary?"  
  
Her gaze looked suspicious.  
  
"What?" Harley asked. "What's wrong? I thought you liked rosemary!"  
  
"Nothing is more suspicious than rosemary, Harl," Ivy replied coolly. "I would be more comfortable if you tasted it first."  
  
Inside, Harley quailed, but on the outside, she smiled, keeping her mask of her cute, bubbly nature.  
  
"I'm not hungry," she said, closing her eyes and shrugging her shoulders, knocking the spoon away. She looked down as soon as the spoon hit. "Oops."  
  
"Hmm..." said Ivy, as Harley bent down to pick it up. "Here I took you in and kept you safe...and you act so strangely!"  
  
While Ivy was talking, Harley bent down to pick up the spoon. She pushed the real spoon away then reached into her shoe, pulling out a slotted spoon instead. She then stood up and took the bowl.  
  
"Oh, don't be silly," said Harley, smiling. She dipped the spoon into the soup. The soup leaked right through, but Ivy didn't see it. She then took a sip---or so Ivy thought. "Mmm, see? Scrumptious!"  
  
Ivy took the bowl back and began to drink from it. As soon as she tasted it, greed seemed to run through her, all manners gone. Harley watched her wolf it down, a hopeful smile creeping over her dark red lips. 


	4. The Meeting

Chapter 4: The Meeting  
  
Back in town, people were draped over the Penguin's limousine. Catwoman was sitting in the Penguin's limo, while the Scarecrow and Two Face leaned against it. The Penguin and the Riddler were lying back to back beside it.  
  
"Did anyone think to check the sewers?"  
  
The Riddler sighed.  
  
"This morning."  
  
Everyone groaned. Suddenly, Catwoman perked up. She listened as she heard a strange rumbling sound.  
  
"Hear that?" she asked.  
  
"What?" asked Scarecrow.  
  
"Shh!" Catwoman hissed.  
  
The rumbling got louder. A strange black car came into the street. The driver of the car was all too familiar.  
  
"Joker!" Riddler exclaimed.  
  
Cries of "Joker!" "Joker's back!" and several cheers were heard. The Joker pulled up in front of the platform.  
  
"Where have you been?" asked Penguin.  
  
"Out," said Joker. "Call a town meeting, and I'll tell everyone all about it!"  
  
"When?"  
  
"Immediately!"  
  
Penguin quickly turned to Catwoman.  
  
"Already on it," she said.  
  
She dashed off. The rest of the crowd departed, eager to help spread the news.  
  
~~~  
  
Ivy was asleep, slumped at her desk, her head in her arms. Harley gently placed a blanket around her, just as Catwoman arrived at the window.  
  
"Town meeting tonight," she said.  
  
Harley nodded as Catwoman left, then looked at Ivy. Ivy was sleeping peacefully, a faint trace of a smile on her lips. A pang of guilt twang inside Harley's stomach, but thoughts of the Joker drove it away almost instantly. She looked down at Ivy, whose small smile was a tad more visible now.  
  
"Probably dreaming of plants," Harley muttered.  
  
She then quietly slipped out the door.  
  
~~~  
  
The entire Underworld had gathered in an old school gym. The school served as their Town Hall. The old school tables and benches were where they all sat.  
  
It was so crowded that Harley couldn't find a seat. She reached into her pocket and luckily enough, she pulled out one small seed spore and dropped it on the ground. A vine grew just enough to elevate her, so she could see. The Joker entered the stage and went over to the platform.  
  
"Listen, everyone!"  
  
The crowd grew quiet. Harley let out a dreamy sigh. The Joker began to speak.  
  
"Now, what I am going to say, you may not believe. It seems like a dream, but it is not. Now, we have all gone up against Batman. And, as always, he has his stupid little gadgets with him. But...I have managed to get one of his belts."  
  
The Joker held it up. The crowd "oooo-ed" and "ah-ed."  
  
Clayface stood up.  
  
"Hey! How do we know that thing is real?"  
  
The Joker reached into one of the pockets and pulled out a Bat-A-Rang. He pushed a button, making it flip into a full bat, before he threw it. It went right inside Clayface's mud-like body.  
  
"Is that proof enough for you?"  
  
The crowd nodded.  
  
"Now, the place I have been to," the Joker said, "is the Batcave. It was strange and twisted. I couldn't stay long because Batsy and Birdboy arrived. I just barely got away. Had I lingered, I would have been caught."  
  
"Was it scary in there?" asked the Scarecrow.  
  
"Was it creepy?" asked Riddler.  
  
"Or damp?" asked Catwoman.  
  
"It was the most disgusting place I've ever seen," the Joker replied. "Bats everywhere! But...it did have a computer..."  
  
"Oooo!" Baby Doll exclaimed.  
  
The Riddler grinned.  
  
"A computer?"  
  
"Yes! And with the touch of a button, you can make any one of our profiles come up!"  
  
"Perhaps we can hack into it!" the Riddler said.  
  
"And delete our files!" the Mad Hatter added.  
  
"I tried," said the Joker, "and couldn't. But now we know how he remembers everything."  
  
"Was there anything else?" Mr. Freeze asked.  
  
"I told you, I didn't have much time to look. I barely got a chance to play with the computer!"  
  
The crowd seemed disappointed. This did not please the Joker very well.  
  
"But not to worry. I am coming up with a scheme right now!"  
  
The crowd cheered.  
  
"And I promise, this scheme is going to be the best!"  
  
The crowd cheered again.  
  
"And finally, Batman shall be humiliated before he meets his most impending doom! HAHAHAHAHAHA!"  
  
The crowd went wild. The Joker took a bow, then walked behind the stage. The curtains closed. He listened as everyone filed out of their make-shift Town Hall.  
  
"It is a shame," he said to himself, "that no one really understood." He sighed. "Oh well."  
  
~~~  
  
That night, the Joker was thinking about the meeting. As far has he was concerned, it had not gone well. He left more confusion than help, and now he would have to come up with a whole new plan. He sat at his desk, looking through all his tried and failed plans to kill Batman.  
  
"There has to be something I haven't tried," he said, "but what?"  
  
The Joker sighed, then buried his head in his hands then picked up his pencil. Slowly, the freshly sharpened lead left a new mark, the start of his newest plan.  
  
~~~  
  
Harley quietly slipped back in the house. She slowly opened the door, to make sure it didn't make any noise. With the same gradual care, she shut it. Suddenly, Ivy's bush began to roar and move furiously.  
  
"Shh," said Harley, gently stroking one of its long, tentacle-like vines. "You know me. It's just me, Harley Quinn."  
  
The bush quickly stopped.  
  
"Good plant," Harley whispered.  
  
"Indeed it is."  
  
Harley froze on the spot. Busted.  
  
"Did you have a nice night, Harley?" asked Poison Ivy, who was right behind her.  
  
She was wearing a hunter green robe and matching slippers. One hand was one her hip, the other was clasping an ice pack to her head. Her foot was tapping impatiently. Harley hung her head. She knew Ivy was going to find out sooner or later. She slowly turned around, her head drooping in guilt, her hands clasped in front of her.  
  
"I'm sorry, Ivy," she said quietly. "It was the only way I could get out."  
  
"Yeah," said Ivy. "The only way to see the Joker, you mean."  
  
"Red---"  
  
Ivy put on a tone similar to a mother talking her a teenage daughter.  
  
"Harley, I tell you and tell you. I lecture you and sometimes I even yell at you! He is nothing but trouble! You need to stay away from him!"  
  
Harley looked up.  
  
"But, Red---"  
  
Ivy pulled the ice pack away from her head, putting that hand to her hip as well. Her foot tapped dangerously. Harley hung her head again.  
  
"I'm going to my room," she said quietly.  
  
She walked past Ivy without another word. Ivy followed her. Harley went into her room and sat on her bed. Ivy went inside. She closed and locked the window, before she picked Harley's boxing glove, revolver, and mallet, the things she could use to break glass. She placed them in her own room, then went back to Harley.  
  
"I don't want to do this, Harley-girl," she said quietly, a hint of guilt in her voice, "but it's for your own good. I don't want you getting hurt."  
  
"I understand," said Harley, gently kicking her feet as she sat on her bed.  
  
"I'm sorry," said Ivy.  
  
With that, she gently closed the door, locking it behind her.  
  
~~~  
  
Harley sighed and lied back, fighting the urge to cry. Her thoughts played around her head. She didn't want to stay here, but she couldn't leave. She knew Ivy was only trying to keep her from getting hurt, but she was hurt just by not seeing the Joker. Harley thought of him and the town meeting. What was he planning?  
  
She rolled onto her stomach and set her chin in her hands. She gently kicked her feet and thought about Ivy and Joker, and how they hated each other. She thought of herself, always caught between them. She thought of them both, how each was always trying to keep her away from the other. Harley sighed and sat up on her bed. She buried her face in her hands, wondering what she should do.  
  
~~~  
  
Early the next morning, Poison Ivy was sitting at the table in her robe and slippers, the ice pack at her head, trying to think. She had a small cup of herbal tea, one of her own special formulas, to hopefully help with her headache. Suddenly, the bush went wild. It writhed and shrieked even louder than usual, which meant she had company she most especially despised.  
  
"Who can that be?" asked Ivy, thinking of all the people she hated especially.  
  
She slowly got up and went to the door. When it opened, she groaned. It was her least favorite person of all, someone she hated even more than Batman, the person who was at the very top of her hate list. It was the Joker.  
  
"Morning, Pammy," he said, giving her a small smile.  
  
"What are you doing here?" asked Ivy.  
  
She did not want him to see here at all, especially in the morning in her robe and slippers, with her hair a mess and with a splitting headache.  
  
"I've come for my Harls, of course!"  
  
"She's not here," Ivy answered, almost instantly.  
  
"Oh, come on, Pam," said Joker. "You and I both know perfectly well that this is where she comes for refuge."  
  
"I haven't seen her."  
  
The Joker's grin faded a little. He gently pushed her aside and strolled in the door. Ivy growled.  
  
"Er...nice place you've got here," said the Joker, trying to get on her good side.  
  
"Thank you. Now make like a tree and leave!"  
  
"Why? I just got here."  
  
"I didn't invite you."  
  
"So I drop in for a minute to see my Harls...suddenly I'm some kind of crook!"  
  
"She isn't here, Joker!"  
  
The Joker pretended to be interested in a rather large Venus flytrap. He poked it. It suddenly snapped shut.  
  
"Interesting," he said.  
  
Ivy scowled. Her patience was running low.  
  
~~~  
  
Inside her room, Harley was listening at her door, trying to figure out who was visiting. Almost at once, she recognized the Joker's voice. Her heart fluttered as she listened. What she heard quickly changed her feelings of love to feelings of confusion.  
  
~~~  
  
"I want you to leave," said Ivy.  
  
The Joker ignored her. He continued to examine the plant. Ivy tried again.  
  
"Six seconds, Joker."  
  
"All I want is Harley."  
  
She pulled out her little bracelet that shot out darts and carefully put it on. She then quickly whipped up her arm and aimed for him. The Joker backed away. Ivy cornered him against the wall.  
  
"Now, for some reason, I think Harley isn't the reason you came. You never come for her. She always goes to you. Isn't that correct?"  
  
"So I make an exception..."  
  
Ivy loaded a few darts into her weapon, making a clicking sound.  
  
"Okay, okay, don't lose your leaves! All right, there are two reasons I came. One was to hopefully find Harley, which as I see is not going to happen, and the other to ask you for a little...help..."  
  
"And why would I want to help you?"  
  
"I just need to borrow some equipment," he replied. "I'm conducting a few experiments."  
  
"And what do I get in return?"  
  
"I'll pay any price. Look, I need the stuff to help to overthrow Batsy. Just a microscope and a few test tubes, I promise."  
  
As Ivy thought it over, a clever smile formed on her rosy lips.  
  
"...Any price?"  
  
"Anything at all, Pammy."  
  
He grinned in a menacing way. Ivy thought for a minute. Again a clever smile formed over her poisonous lips. Her voice was a bit quieter as she spoke.  
  
"If you want my equipment...you are to stay away from me and Harley."  
  
"WHAT?!"  
  
"That's my price. You said so yourself: anything I wanted. That is what I want. I want you to stay away from Harley and me. If we're out in public, you walk the other way. If we're out and happen to be in the same place as you, you will leave."  
  
The Joker growled, but thought it over. He grinned, as only he could do.  
  
"Fine. Deal. We'll even shake on it."  
  
"Let me see your hand."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Let me see it!"  
  
"Sheesh, you'd think she didn't trust me..."  
  
Ivy inspected is hand, making sure he didn't have his infamous hand buzzer. She then shook it. Each one gripped like they were trying to break the other's fingers. They finally let go. Both of their hands were sore, but neither said anything, for their own pride. Neither would admit that the other had hurt them.  
  
Ivy then wrote out a small contract that showed that they would each keep their word. Once it was signed by the both of them, Ivy folded the paper, turned around and stuffed it into her bodice, before she got the Joker the equipment he needed. She came back with a small black bag that contained a microscope, a few slides, some test tubes, a dropper, and some Petri dishes. The Joker took it carefully. However, his grin never once faded.  
  
"You only said that I had to stay away, Pam," he said wickedly. "But if Harley chooses to come to me, she shall. And furthermore, you said, 'we,' referring to yourself and Harley. If she's on her own, I can get her back. We never agreed on that."  
  
Ivy snarled. As usual, the Joker found a loophole in the agreement. He was good at that. With a wicked grin still formed over those rich red lips, the Joker left, having what he had come for.  
  
Once he was gone, Ivy chuckled to herself, knowing that the Joker was never going to get Harley back.  
  
"Harley will never be alone...never."  
  
~~~  
  
Harley had listened to the entire conversation---or at least, she tried. She caught the experiment part very well, but their voices seemed to get quiet as they discussed something else, though she did hear the Joker go, "WHAT?!" to whatever it was they were talking about. What little she caught was something about the Joker staying away from her and Ivy.  
  
Harley sighed and sat on her bed. Once again, she was the subject of yet another quarrel. She was growing tired of this. It seemed she was going to have to choose either one or the other. Her mind suddenly flipped to the experiments. Why would the Joker need to equipment? And how could he be so desperate that he would come to Ivy, the one person he despised the most, second only to Batman?  
  
"Hmm...Experiments?" Harley whispered to herself. 


	5. Harley

Chapter 5: Harley  
  
It didn't take very long for the Joker to get home. As soon as he got there, he ran to his room. He set the bag down and began to set up his own miniature laboratory. With great care, he pulled out the microscope and test tubes, knowing Ivy would have his head if any piece of her precious equipment was damaged.  
  
For his first experiment, the Joker pulled out a strange purple ball and set it under the microscope. Carefully, he lowered the lenses closer...and closer...and closer...until FWOOM! The lenses hit the ball a tad too hard. It wasn't long before the lenses broke and a sticky purple substance covered the microscope. The Joker knew well that Batman used this stuff to glue his enemy's feet to the floor.  
  
'Pammy's gonna kill me,' he thought to himself. 'Oh well. I'll clean it off later.'  
  
He then put a pair of Batcuffs into a small metal vat, with a special liquid inside that would hopefully help him determine just what they were made of. His only results were somehow making the cuffs rubbery when he pulled them out.  
  
He tested a piece of Bat Rope. His tests showed zilch in what kind of material was woven into something so light, yet so strong. The Joker inspected a Bat-A-Rang. The technology was simple, yet complex, and he felt no closer to a better plan to get his archenemy than when he had started.  
  
In a final test, the Joker dumped a few pellets into a small glass vial, then capped it quickly from the gas that came when mixed with the water. The effect produced a soft green light, beautiful and haunting.  
  
"Interesting reaction," the Joker remarked, "but what does it mean?"  
  
It had long since grown dark. He buried his head in hands, then reached behind his neck. He looked back at the light, which somehow made him feel calmer. He sat down and watched it, deciding to take a break from his experiments for a while.  
  
~~~  
  
Harley Quinn was up in her room, making something special for the Joker. Using a funnel, she carefully mixed certain ingredients into a tall old wine bottle. Occasionally, she looked up, listening for Ivy. She scooped up some powder and added it in, then removed the funnel. She corked the bottle and added it to a basket with little odds and ends: a deck of normal playing cards, a few joke shop tricks, a loaded revolver, and a few vials of acid. Harley looked over her work and smiled, then pulled a white handkerchief over it.  
  
'He'll love it,' she thought.  
  
Harley didn't have any rope (or any vines, for that matter, considering she lived with Poison Ivy), but she did have thread, and she had just enough to lower the basket out the window. She sighed, thinking of the one she loved, the one Ivy was desperate to keep her away from. She pulled out a hairpin and used it to pick the lock on the window, before she lifted the pane.  
  
With a good hold on the thread, Harley lowered the basket, but then looked down at the wall beneath her room. The wall of the hideout was so smooth that Ivy did not need to lock the window. There were no hand or footholds at all, and no nearby windows. Harley looked at the alley below. How far away the street looked!  
  
For a minute, Harley lost hope. She was greatly saddened, but looked out across the rooftops and streets of the Underworld. There, many, many blocks away, was the Joker's tower. Inside on of the rooms, a green light was glowing and pulsating. Its soft glow sparked something inside her, something that brought back her courage and hope.  
  
Without a second thought, she leaped from the window. The wind rushed past her face as she fell. She landed on her feet, but as she did, one foot bent inward, before she fell over. One of her hands bent back the wrong way against the pavement. Despite the pain, Harley did not care. She had good agility skills, not to mention she had gotten worse from the Joker several times. Harley lied there for a minute, her hand and foot throbbing in pain. She slowly sat up, then looked at her window. As far as she knew, Ivy had not heard that.  
  
Harley smiled then stood up, able to ignore the sudden pain that had rushed to her ankle. She leaned against the wall for support and waited a few seconds, before she picked up the basket. She was a little wobbly as she walked, but once again, she did not care. All she knew now was she was free.  
  
~~~  
  
Not long after Harley left Ivy came up to her room, a small tray in her hands. On it was a plate of milk and cookies, a bit of an apology for keeping her locked up all day. Ivy unlocked the door and entered.  
  
Harley's room was dark. Ivy turned on the light. She looked around. The bed was empty, and the balance beam was abandoned.  
  
"Harley?" asked Ivy, looking around.  
  
The window was open. On the floor was a hairpin. Ivy growled. In her anger, she threw the tray on the floor, smashing it.  
  
"Harley Quinn!" she screamed, scolding the air. "You ran off again!"  
  
~~~  
  
The Joker was back to work. Plans were scattered all around his desk and bed, with red marks of flaws and notes all over them. Bat equipment was in jars and Petri dishes. A giant chalkboard was standing in the center of the room, with random sketches and notes written all over it. He picked up the chalk and wrote the following on the board:  
  
"Batman + Robin = double trouble – Robin = success?"  
  
He sighed. Somehow, none of the simple equations and notes he wrote seemed to be working out quite right. He sighed, then rubbed his temples, wondering just what else to do. The Joker looked back at the light on the table. Its glow was softer, but it seemed to encourage him to move on and keep trying.  
  
He picked up the chalk and was about to figure out how to fix the equation, when there was a tap at the window nearby. The Joker turned around. There was a basket attached to a rope and pulley, on the tree outside his window. He opened it and looked down.  
  
~~~  
  
There was Harley, smiling shyly. Her painted white face glowed a faint blue in the pale moonlight, and behind her black mask her eyes glimmered with love. The Joker smiled at her, giving her a smile that she had never seen before: one of beauty and fun, with a twist of romance.  
  
The Joker pulled the basket inside and pulled off the white cloth that covered it, wondering what Harley had given him. Some tricks, some acid, some cards, a loaded gun and a wine bottle, though he could tell it did not contain wine. Curious about it, he popped the cork. A soft white smoke poured out, and took the shape of a butterfly. It spread its wings, and as it disappeared, it became a grin.  
  
'Aww,' he thought. 'She knew I needed a smile...'  
  
The Joker leaned out to thank her, but when he looked down, Harley was gone. The rope was swinging to and fro in the faint wind. Shrugging his shoulders, the Joker closed the window and went back to work.  
  
~~~  
  
Harley was just around the corner. When the Joker had smiled down her like that, she...she was shy, like she had only seen him for the first time. That smile was the best he had ever given her. That seemed to be the only reason for her sudden shyness, as opposed to her running up those stairs and into his arms.  
  
She walked down the street, then sat down by the steps of the Joker's hideout. Harley sighed and leaned against them, closing her eyes. She looked down. There, growing in the cracks of the sidewalk, she saw a small flower. Harley picked it, and playfully pulled off its petals one by one.  
  
'He loves me, he love me not,' she thought quietly to herself. 'He loves me, he loves me not...'  
  
Harley suddenly looked up. She saw the Joker, just a few feet away from her. He turned and winked at her, grinning mischievously. A black cowl formed over his face, as his chalky white skin became a fair peach. Two white eyes looked at her from behind the cowl, then smiled at her. It was the Batman.  
  
Harley gasped. Batman looked at her and laughed, a sound that sent chills down her spine and turned her very bones to ice. It was an evil laugh, unlike the laugh he had used to mock her the time she had chained above that piranha tank. She stared at him, mouth gaping in terror, horror clearly seen in her eyes. Batman sidestepped, sweeping his cloak over so she could what was behind it.  
  
It was the most frightening image Harley had ever seen. The Joker was lying there, stomach down, his face towards hers. His eyes were closed and his lips were turned down into a neutral frown, much unlike the grin she was so used to. A black cloak, just like Batman's, was covering his body, and from underneath it, she could barely see his hands wearing black gloves. There was a deep scar on the side of his face, and blood was leaking from a few places on his body. Batman looked back at her and laughed again.  
  
Harley felt herself wake up in a cold sweat. She cried out, then stopped, taking in big, deep breaths. In one trembling hand, she held up the flower. The petals were gone. She let go of it, then looked up. There was no Batman, and certainly no Joker in front of her...but she could not help but feeling that maybe that nightmare meant something more... 


	6. The Joker's Plan

Chapter 6: The Joker's Plan  
  
The sun slowly began to rise. Night was usually when most of the Underworld was active, but today was different. Everyone was pondering on what the Joker was doing; what was going on up in his tower. Whispers and rumors spread.  
  
"I hear he is going sane," the Penguin said to the Ventriloquist. "He has been...different since his encounter with the Batcave."  
  
"No," Catwoman interrupted. "He is very busy. There was a light in his room last night. I bet he was up planning yet another scheme."  
  
Poison Ivy came up, her hair barely combed, and dark circles under her eyes. A dark green trench coat covered her body. She seemed upset, worried, tired, and angry all at once.  
  
"Has anyone seen Harley?" she asked.  
  
"No," said Catwoman. "I thought she was with the Joker."  
  
Ivy forced herself not to react on hearing that name.  
  
"No, Harley was with me---but I do not doubt the Joker is part of the reason why she ran off. I have been looking all night."  
  
"The Joker has been up all night," said the Riddler. "No one has been to his door, so far as I know..."  
  
"She is somewhere in this Underworld," said Ivy, her anger flared up again, "and I am going to find her."  
  
The group watched her go, then began discussing the Joker and his business almost as if Ivy had not shown up at all.  
  
~~~  
  
Harley woke up. She had unknowingly fallen asleep again, and found herself by the steps. She looked up, then turned the corner. Through the window, she could barely make out the Joker's figure pacing, one hand behind his back, the other rubbing his temples.  
  
She looked at him sadly. In her mind, her vision played over and over. Batman's chilling laughter rang through her ears, and her heart beat uncomfortably as she watched her lover lost in his thoughts.  
  
~~~  
  
The Joker was still pacing in his tower, trying to think. His room was even messier than it was last night. Plans littered the floor so much that there was hardly a floor to see. Paper covered his desk and bed, and what little clear areas there were housed the lab equipment. The chalkboard was loaded with thoughts, plans, and minor equations. He felt no closer to an answer now than when he had started.  
  
"What does it mean?" he said aloud to no one. "The answer is right in front of me, but I can't seem to put my finger on it!"  
  
He looked around. Buried under lists and plans were some of his weapons. He looked at them and scowled.  
  
"They've all been used! I need something new! New! NEW!"  
  
It was all driving him sane. The answer, he knew, was close by, but it seemed so far in the distance, too far to reach! It seemed there on instant, gone the next, leaving him in a web of confusion. Suddenly, it seemed to hit him! He looked back at the equation he had been writing before Harley interrupted him.  
  
"Batman + Robin = double trouble – Robin = success?"  
  
"That's it!" the Joker exclaimed. "I was right! Robin is the key! Batman might be the hero, but the sidekick makes him his succeed!"  
  
He ran to the window and threw it open, then grinned to the small crowd below.  
  
"Eureka!" he exclaimed. "I've got it! And this time, Batman will be ours! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"  
  
A wild cheer spread through the crowd. Harley looked up at him sadly, knowing he couldn't see her while she was in the crowd.  
  
"Oh, Mistah J!" she whispered. "It will never work!"  
  
~~~  
  
The entire Underworld headed for the old school. The Joker promised he had a special assignment for everyone. The line filled quickly. Harley was toward the end. She stood, knowing it was going to be a while before she could see the Joker and tell him of her dream.  
  
The Mad Hatter was walking down the line.  
  
"Poison I-vy," he said. "Poison I-vy, your assignment is ready! Poison I- vy, to the front of the li-ine..."  
  
Ivy was walking up. Her eyes were scanning the line for Harley as she walked. Harley saw her, and quickly ducked out of line, hiding in a nearby alley. Ivy saw the newly opened gap and was about to go to it, when the Mad Hatter saw her.  
  
"Oh, there you are!" he said. "The Joker would like to see you now."  
  
Ivy growled, but went along anyway.  
  
"Maybe I'll find Harley there with him."  
  
~~~  
  
The Joker was talking to the Ventriloquist.  
  
"With your gift, I need you to imitate a screaming woman," said the Joker, "and make the screams come from different places. You will be part of the group that will be keeping Batman distracted."  
  
"I most certainly will," said the Ventriloquist.  
  
Scarface, his little gangster dummy, seemed to have other opinions.  
  
"Why can't we just hire a gang of hoodlums to keep da glasted Gatman distracted?"  
  
"Oh, you can do that too. Use the scream to lure him, then have a gang of thugs ready," said the Joker, smiling. "But do not kill him! You only need to distract him long enough for me to frame him. Once he's in the spotlight, I, personally, shall bump him off."  
  
"But why you'se?" asked Scarface.  
  
"Because," the Joker growled, getting a deadly look in his eyes, "Batman is MINE!"  
  
"Okay, okay, sheesh!" said Scarface. "Come on, dummy. Let's go!"  
  
"Yes, Mister Scarface, sir," said the Ventriloquist, walking away.  
  
It was then that Ivy came up.  
  
"Ah, Pammy!" the Joker said, smiling at her. "Glad you could come."  
  
The Penguin was up on a nearby stand, writing down names and assignments. He looked down at Ivy.  
  
'Oh, please,' he thought. 'These two never get along.'  
  
"Where is Harley?" Ivy asked him.  
  
"I barely caught a glimpse of her last night," the Joker replied calmly.  
  
He smiled. As much as Ivy despised him, she somehow knew he was telling the truth.  
  
"What do you need?" Ivy asked. "And when do I get my equipment back?"  
  
"Soon, Pam," said the Joker. "What I need from you...is a seed or two. Nothing special; the plan is to confuse Batman by using a trick from each of his enemies, and framing him by making it appear that HE did it. That way, it will seem that all this time, he has been setting us up to make him look good. I know this will get him back for sure."  
  
Ivy actually smiled.  
  
"I'll see what I can do."  
  
The Joker smiled, but Ivy grabbed his collar and pulled him down to her level.  
  
"I want my stuff back. And I want it soon."  
  
"And you shall have it," said the Joker, pulling her hand away, "when I finish up here."  
  
"You had better."  
  
That said, Ivy left.  
  
"Well, nice to know nothing has changed," said the Joker.  
  
The Penguin wrote this down.  
  
"Nice to know she didn't kill you...Next!"  
  
The Joker looked at the line. He saw Scarecrow, Catwoman, and the Riddler standing side by side, waiting for their assignments. Quickly thinking, he got an idea.  
  
"You three!" he exclaimed while pointing to them. "Come here!"  
  
Scarecrow, Catwoman, and Riddler did as they were told. The Penguin looked down. He shuddered a little bit, knowing that these three were among the smartest and sneakiest of all the Gotham villains.  
  
"Oh, do I have a job for you," he said. "It is top secret! It requires craft, cunning, mischief---"  
  
"And here we were thinking you didn't like us," said Catwoman.  
  
"Absolutely no one is to know about it," he said. "Not a soul!"  
  
The Joker then pulled them into a huddle and whispered very fast, telling them of his idea. The Penguin listened intently, using the megaphone to hopefully catch some of what they were saying. All he caught were "together" and "cave."  
  
"I do not care how you three do it," said the Joker. "Just so long as it gets done. Oh, and one more thing---bring him to Harvey."  
  
"Dent?" asked the Scarecrow.  
  
"Yes," said the Joker. "I already talked to him last night, and he says he can handle it."  
  
"We're on it," said the Riddler.  
  
With that, the trio left.  
  
~~~  
  
"He wants the three of us to kidnap Robin?" asked the Scarecrow.  
  
"That's what he said," replied Catwoman. "And he'll give us two grand each if we succeed."  
  
"But how do we do it?" asked the Riddler.  
  
"How should I know?" snapped Catwoman. "You're the genius!"  
  
They continued to walk, discussing the plan.  
  
"I want to scare him," said the Scarecrow.  
  
"You're always wanting to scare people."  
  
"All right, Whiskers, you think of something!"  
  
"Maybe I will! Since I work best alone, I'll go get him myself!"  
  
"We have to work together!" the Scarecrow protested. "Why, I will never know..."  
  
"Oh, shush!" said the Riddler. "The best way is to lure him with a riddle!"  
  
"Oh, right, genius," said Catwoman. "Give him a riddle to solve so he'll come expecting some kind of trap..."  
  
"That's the point!"  
  
"I say we sneak up on him," said Catwoman. "Quiet is the best way."  
  
"And where to you propose we find him?" asked the Scarecrow.  
  
"With Batman."  
  
"And where would Batman be?"  
  
"Who knows? But all we need to do is commit a crime, and he'll be sure to come!"  
  
"And then we get caught and taken back to Arkham," said the Riddler. "Smooth move, Kit-Kat."  
  
"All right, I think we can make a compromise," said the Scarecrow. "We'll use Edward's riddle to lure him to some out of the way place. Once he arrives, we can sneak up on him. I'll scare him, and we'll bring him back. Got it?"  
  
"I guess it works," said Catwoman.  
  
"Are we all for it?" Scarecrow asked.  
  
"Yes," said the Riddler.  
  
"I guess," said Catwoman.  
  
"Good. Edward, start writing."  
  
~~~  
  
Harley, by now, was the next person in line to see the Joker. Right now, he was talking to the Mad Hatter about a few trick hats. The Hatter seemed to be agreeing. Harley waited, her head replaying her dream, and her heart filled with dread. She was almost taken by surprise when the Penguin called, "Next!"  
  
The Joker turned to her, and smiled.  
  
"Harls," he said cheerfully. "Come here."  
  
Harley did out of instinct.  
  
"Harley, listen to me. I need your help more than anyone's!"  
  
"Oh, Mistah J, you do! I---I had the most terrible dream!"  
  
The Joker, who was too busy looking through a few papers for Harley's name, was obviously not paying any attention.  
  
"That's splendid"  
  
"No!" Harley exclaimed. "It was about your plan! There-there was Batman--- and-and you! Dead!"  
  
The Joker looked up.  
  
"That isn't the plan, Harls," he said, finding her name. "I'm not gonna die, he is. Anyway, here is what I want you to do." He handed her a slip of paper. "I want you to go to the Batcave and bring me one of his suits. I know I passed a room full of them on my way out."  
  
"Puddin', listen to me! It's going to be a disaster!"  
  
The Joker glowered upon her referring to him as "Puddin'." He turned and glared, then smiled sweetly.  
  
"Don't worry, Harley," he said in a sweet, caring voice. "You're the only one I can trust well enough to do this for me."  
  
Harley sighed, taking the paper, knowing he was never going to listen.  
  
"All right," she said, her voice full of despair, "I'll do it."  
  
The Joker didn't even hear the hint in her voice.  
  
"That's my Harls!" He pushed her towards the exit. "I have every confidence in you!"  
  
"Next!" called the Penguin.  
  
"But it seems wrong to me, Mistah J," said Harley, looking down at the paper. She remembered seeing him dressed as Batman, only dead. "Very, very wrong..."  
  
~~~  
  
The Riddler was writing frantically while the Scarecrow was deciding which of his serums to use. Catwoman, on the other hand, was sitting in the windowsill, looking out the window.  
  
"Are you finished yet?" she asked impatiently.  
  
"Give me a break," said the Riddler. "These take time!"  
  
"And our time is running short. We need Robin by sunset, and at this rate, we'll only have a few hours to do it."  
  
"Just about done," said the Riddler.  
  
He cut and glued magazine letters onto a piece of computer paper, so his handwriting could not be traced.  
  
"To Robin:  
  
Think of where a child plays  
Especially on sunny days  
Come alone tonight an hour 'til dark  
The meeting place will be ______  
  
Come alone. If you bring the Batman or any others, a special doom will take them away."  
  
"Well, it's obvious where to come," said Catwoman. "I've already figured it out."  
  
"Well, you wanted him quickly! Just let me fax it."  
  
The Riddler faxed the message to the Gotham City Police Department.  
  
"They'll deliver it. They always do. Now we need to put on our disguises and wait..."  
  
~~~  
  
Ivy was through with looking for Harley.  
  
"Fine. If she wants to get herself killed, so be it!"  
  
She stopped, realizing what she was saying.  
  
"No...I can't do that. But at least I know the Joker's too into his plans to care about her right now. I guess she is safe...for now..."  
  
Ivy sighed.  
  
"Might as well get those seeds...and boy, had he better get me my equipment!"  
  
~~~  
  
In town, everyone was busy. The distraction group, which consisted of the Ventriloquist, Scarface, Killer Croc, and Clayface, was reviewing the plan.  
  
"All right," said Scarface. "Da dummy and I is gonna imitate a screamin' doll, wit a gang of hoodlums nearby. You'se guys will each be waiting fer da signal. T'ree shots wit one second in between will mean da Croc will come."  
  
"And we'll wrestle," said the Croc. "And I shall kill him!"  
  
"No!" Scarface exclaimed. "Da Joker said to keep 'im alive! Anyways, should Gatman defeat Croc, dis mud bag will get 'im!"  
  
"Shut up," said Clayface.  
  
"Good!" said Scarface. "We all understand!"  
  
The Joker came up.  
  
"How's it coming, boys?"  
  
"We just reviewed," said the Ventriloquist.  
  
The Joker turned to the Mad Hatter, who was working nearby.  
  
"You got the hats, Jervis?"  
  
The Mad Hatter pointed to a small box.  
  
"Right there."  
  
"Good."  
  
The Joker picked it up and walked away.  
  
~~~  
  
The Joker brought the box back to his lair, where he put the weapons he gathered from his fellow Arkhamites: several of his own tricks, Jervis's hats, the Riddler's cane, Catwoman's whip, and several other items. All he needed now were Ivy's seeds.  
  
"I really hope she comes through with this..."  
  
He looked down at his purple suit.  
  
"Harley, you need to hurry..."  
  
~~~  
  
Harley Quinn had now arrived at the Batcave. She had slid down the slide and was sneaking down the steps of the platform. Luckily, Batman was out. She pulled out the paper and read it  
  
"Now, you go down these steps, and then take a left by the computer..."  
  
Harley ran into the room. Several Batman suits hung there, with about an equal number of Robin ones. She pulled one down. The thing was a little heavier than she expected, but it was light enough for her to put on her back to climb up the slide.  
  
"I really wish Mistah J wouldn't do this..."  
  
~~~  
  
Ivy was in her lab, looking through her seed spores, trying to find the simplest of her formulas. It did not take long for her to find what she was looking for. Putting the spores into a small plastic bag, she headed towards the "square."  
  
~~~  
  
Batman and Robin had by now arrived at the Gotham City Police Department. Commissioner Gordon was there, the fax in his hand.  
  
"You called?" asked Robin.  
  
"Yes," said Gordon, handing the paper to Robin. "I will assume this is from the Riddler."  
  
Robin took the note and read through it.  
  
"Where children play---the park? Come alone or else," he said. "Batman?"  
  
Batman was about to reply, but at that moment, Bullock rushed in.  
  
"Jewelry store robbery," he said.  
  
"I'm on it," said Batman, rushing off.  
  
"Like we can't do it ourselves," muttered Bullock, running after him.  
  
Robin looked back at the note. Without another word, he ran out of the building. Already, he was formulating a plan...and he had a chance to take a crime on his own.  
  
~~~  
  
(A/N: I did pull a little twist in the story line. In NMBC, Jack told Lock, Shock, and Barrel to leave Oogie Boogie out of the plans, but in this version, J wants Scarecrow, Catwoman, and Riddler to take then to Two Face. I did this because it was the only way this would work out for me.  
  
And for any confusion concerning J's plans: Why get Robin and not just get Batman? It will be explained in future chapters, not to mention when I started this out, I already had Robin staged as "Santa". Why, I may never know myself. Moving on...) 


	7. Robin

Chapter 7: Robin  
  
Harley had by now climbed out of the manhole, the suit on her back. As soon as she was above ground, she folded it up as best as she could, then ran towards the Joker's hideout.  
  
~~~  
  
Robin had taken the Batwing and parked it just outside the park. He stood on the wall and using his special binoculars, scanned the scene for the Riddler. There were only a few people. A woman was sitting on a bench, reading, while a young couple was walking in the park. Two men in brown trench coats were standing beside a tree and talking to one another.  
  
"Nothing suspicious so far..."  
  
Suddenly, a net fell from above. Robin was much taken by surprise. One of the men quickly came over and sprayed him with something. Robin's head began to spin, and he screamed as something slimy seemed to wrap around him. His world soon went black as something knocked him over the head.  
  
"Well done," said Catwoman.  
  
The Scarecrow picked him up. The Riddler, being an expert at computers, quickly tapped into the Batwing.  
  
"It shouldn't take long to learn how to fly this..."  
  
Catwoman and Scarecrow loaded Robin inside, just as the Riddler figured out the system.  
  
~~~  
  
Harley had now arrived, and was currently helping the Joker slip Batman's suit on over his normal purple tuxedo.  
  
"You don't look like yourself, Mistah J," she said softly. "Not at all."  
  
"Ah, but that is the point, Harley-girl!"  
  
"But you ain't Batman! You're Mistah J!"  
  
"I know that, cupcake. It's just for tonight. Batman will never know what hit him."  
  
"Puddin', I know you think something's missing, but..."  
  
"You're right!" the Joker exclaimed. "Something is missing..."  
  
He pulled on a mask that looked exactly like Batman. Harley forced herself not to scream, seeing how real it looked.  
  
"Ah, perfect!" The Joker touched something at the belt, making his voice sound just Batman's.  
  
"Now I am Batman."  
  
He laughed. Harley screamed.  
  
"Now, Harley, my little pumpkin pie, it's only me...but seeing I was able to fool you, even though you know it's me, that proves tonight no one's the wiser."  
  
Harley was still gasping for a breath. At that moment, Scarecrow, Catwoman, and the Riddler burst in, holding a squirming sack.  
  
"We got him!" the Scarecrow said.  
  
The Joker turned around. All three of them froze. The Joker grinned.  
  
"Don't worry," said Harley, "It's only Mistah J."  
  
"Joker, you scared even me!" said the Scarecrow.  
  
"Open the sack," the Joker said, his voice sounding like Batman's.  
  
The Scarecrow, Catwoman, and the Riddler did as they were told. Robin fell out, before Catwoman and the Riddler grabbed his arms and forced him to his knees.  
  
"...Batman?" asked Robin.  
  
"In a manner of speaking," said the Joker, turning off the voice changer and lifting up his mask.  
  
Robin's eyes went wide, then turned to anger.  
  
"Where's Batman?"  
  
"Out, Birdboy. As I recall, it was a jewelry shop emergency..."  
  
"It was all a trick!"  
  
"Clever, Robin, very clever. We need him distracted...for tonight..."  
  
Robin growled. The Joker turned to his hired trio, and handed them each two thousand-dollar bills.  
  
"Oh, and we got the Batwing too," said the Riddler. "It's very easy to fly."  
  
"Excellent," said the Joker. "That will better help our little charade. Now take him away!"  
  
Smiling, the Scarecrow, Catwoman, and the Riddler left, dragging Robin behind them. Harley watched, then tried one last time to talk to the Joker.  
  
"Mistah J?"  
  
"What now, Harl?"  
  
"Please...I know something bad will happen! Don't go! Please!"  
  
"And why not?"  
  
"You're going to die! Please!"  
  
Harley was close to tears, but all she did was make him angry.  
  
"I am not gonna die, Harley! Now go!"  
  
"But Puddin'---"  
  
He grabbed her arm and squeezed. Harley gasped in pain as he pulled on her and pulled her to the door.  
  
"I said to go!"  
  
He kicked her back, booting her out, then slammed the door. Harley slowly got up, rubbing her back where he had kicked her. She knew she had to stop him, but how? With tears streaming down her cheeks, she walked down the steps, thinking of what to do.  
  
~~~  
  
"Where are we taking him again?" asked the Riddler.  
  
"To Two Face," said Catwoman. "That is what the Joker said..."  
  
"All right," said the Scarecrow. "Let's go."  
  
"Let me go!" Robin shouted, trying to get out of the sack.  
  
The Scarecrow gave him another blast of fear serum, forcing him to cooperate.  
  
~~~  
  
Harley knew she had to stop the Joker. She saw the Batwing parked just outside the hideout. She smiled, knowing just what to do. She ran back to Ivy's place, where she knew Ivy had an old fog machine.  
  
~~~  
  
The Scarecrow, Catwoman, and the Riddler had just arrived at Two Face's place. Hey went up to the hideout and knocked. A small piece slid to the side.  
  
"Who goes there?" on of Two Face's henchmen asked.  
  
"We're here to deliver the bird," said Catwoman. "Joker's orders."  
  
"Hey, take it easy, kitty," said the henchman, opening the door. "Right this way..."  
  
The threesome dragged Robin inside.  
  
~~~  
  
"They're here, boss," said the henchman.  
  
The Scarecrow, Catwoman, and the Riddler saw that there was an armchair with the back to them. They heard a clink as a little glimmer of silver flew up into the air and made a soft thud as it landed in its owner's hand.  
  
"Good."  
  
Two Face got out of his armchair and turned to the threesome.  
  
"Your work here is done. Now beat it!"  
  
"You could at least be polite," said the Scarecrow as he turned with his cohorts and left.  
  
Once they were gone, Two Face turned to Robin.  
  
"So the Joker has put you in my care, huh? We'll have some fun...so long as fate is nice to you..."  
  
He flipped his coin. It landed smooth side up in his palm.  
  
"Tie him up and lock him in that room."  
  
His henchmen did as they were told. They dragged Robin into a nearby room and tied him to a chair, careful to remove his belt. Robin struggled, but there wasn't much he could do.  
  
"Now then," said Two Face, "what to do with you?"  
  
"What do you want?" asked Robin.  
  
"We all want revenge," said Two Face. "And it is indeed easier with you out of the way."  
  
Robin growled.  
  
"You'll never get away with this!"  
  
Two Face smiled.  
  
"Oh, I will. We all will."  
  
He flipped his coin again. It landed smooth side up.  
  
"It seems fate wants to be nice to you today."  
  
Robin continued to struggle. Two Face smiled.  
  
~~~  
  
The Joker came out with his mask in his hand. Outside, his fellow Arkhamites were there, waiting for him. The Joker put on his mask and grinned. The crowd stepped back a little bit. The Penguin came up.  
  
"Before you go out, Joker, I speak on behalf of us all by saying good luck tonight! We will all be here, hoping it goes well, and that our revenge on Batman will be complete..."  
  
~~~  
  
Unknown to the crowd, a fog was slowly coming up. Harley had loaded an entire bottle of juice into the fog machine and was blowing it nearby. The fog was creeping up everyone's ankles, then their knees, waists, and then their elbows, before anyone noticed. As a further precaution, she had also painted the lights on the Batwing black, as she couldn't get inside to mess it up. She watched, a wicked grin on her face.  
  
~~~  
  
"Oh, no!" the Joker exclaimed as the fog swooped over his head, and up to the sky. "I'll never take off in this!"  
  
"What about the headlights?" asked the Penguin.  
  
The Joker tried. Nothing happened.  
  
"Hey! There's black paint on them!" the Scarecrow exclaimed.  
  
The Joker sat back in the seat.  
  
"Great. Just great!"  
  
He brought his fists down on a random button. Suddenly, a second pair of lights came on. They had been hidden before then.  
  
"Well, thank Bats!" the Joker exclaimed. "Emergency lights! The take off isn't cancelled after all! HAHAHAHAHAHA!"  
  
The crowd cheered. Harley forced her way through, trying to get to him.  
  
"Mistah J! No! Please, wait! Mistah J!"  
  
But he could not hear her. He played with some of the controls and got the Batwing to lift off the ground, before he took off into the night. The crowd slowly departed. Harley sighed, watching the black figure of the Batwing go.  
  
"Goodbye, Mistah J," she whispered. She looked at the ground, then turned away. "Oh, how I hope my nightmare was wrong..."  
  
~~~  
  
Harley walked down the street, talking to herself.  
  
"What is wrong with him?" she asked herself. "Why wouldn't he listen to me? Why?" She buried her head in her hands. She just didn't know.  
  
~~~  
  
The Joker had by now flown over the plaza, the busiest part of Gotham, and the section with the mall and several shops.  
  
"Hmm, what to do first?"  
  
He looked at all his equipment.  
  
"I think...fear would work well here. HAHAHAHAHAHA!"  
  
Still laughing, he zoomed down towards the Gotham City Mall. Pressing a button, he was able to release one of the Scarecrow's deadliest fear gases. It wasn't long before people came out, shrieking and running. The Joker flew by a few more shops, still praying the serum into a thick cloud. The chaos increased.  
  
"I would prefer laughter than screams, but now I can see why Johnny likes doing this! HAHAHAHAHAHA!"  
  
~~~  
  
At the Gotham City Police Department, a phone rang.  
  
"Hello, police," said an officer. He listened. "What? What's going on over there? Why are there screams?" He listened again while the frantic lady on the other line screamed out what was happening. "That is strange. This is the second chaotic report we've had!"  
  
~~~  
  
Batman was chasing the jewelry shop thieves when he heard the screams from the malls. He quickly turned to run and help, when Clayface stood in his way.  
  
"Hello, Batboy," he said.  
  
Batman was left with no choice but to fight the shape-shifter. Clayface's arms formed into spinning blades. Batman used his Bat-A-Rangs to try to jam them, before they became two huge axes. Batman dodged and fought at every given chance, but Clayface kept morphing out more weapons.  
  
'This is going to be a long night,' Batman thought.  
  
The Ventriloquist and Scarface were nearby.  
  
"It was supposed ta be da Croc next..."  
  
"But this works, Mr. Scarface."  
  
"Yeah...I guess so long as Gatman is distracted..."  
  
~~~  
  
The Joker was flying over Gotham, dropping whatever weapon he felt would work. Poison Ivy's seeds took over the park and crushed the buildings nearby. Mr. Freeze's ray covered Town Hall in ice. The entire cat's eye display at the Gotham Museum was stolen. He had even used his laughing gas to bump off a theatre full of people.  
  
Down below, people were running and screaming as more and more of the Arkhamites' weapons were thrown down. No one was safe. Two-faced balls bounced in the street. Somewhere below, a few pairs of question mark underwear exploded. People wearing Jervis's hats were going mad.  
  
"Ah, listen to those melodic sounds!" the Joker exclaimed. "This is by far the best heist I have ever pulled...even though I had to borrow a few weapons...HAHAHAHAHA!"  
  
~~~  
  
Down below, people watched as the Batwing flew by, then dropped a mix of acid and seed spores.  
  
"Oh my gosh!" someone shouted. "It's Batman!"  
  
All around, people were still shrieking and running for their lives. Traffic jams built up pretty quickly.  
  
"Why is he doing this to us?"  
  
~~~  
  
Batman had just finished with Clayface, before Croc stepped in. The two wrestled, before Batman managed to knock Croc unconscious. He then rushed to try to help the rest of Gotham City, but was blocked by the jewelry shop thieves. Growling, Batman fought, knowing he was going to be here for a while...  
  
~~~  
  
Most of the time, the Joker was able to stay in the Batwing, but for some heists, he got out, just so the citizens could see "Batman" turning his back on the whole city. On one of those times, he was in Gotham square, in plain sight. With a malicious grin, he threw down the black and white two- faced ball and one of his special "joke"-in-the-boxes.  
  
The box exploded on contact with the ground, while the bouncing balls made it hard for escape, as they kept reproducing as they hit the solid ground and walls. Using the voice changer, he laughed his wicked laugh, though it sounded like Batman.  
  
While screaming citizens were still trying to escape, he vaulted a few rooftops and threw out some more seed spores, crushing several office buildings in the quickly growing vines. He then used the Freeze Ray to freeze an entire street. Destruction and disorder was completely in his grasp.  
  
~~~  
  
The police department was chock full of ringing telephones.  
  
"Hello? Yes, we know! Try to keep calm! Stay in your homes! Make sure the doors and windows are locked, and stay as below ground as you possibly can!"  
  
~~~  
  
In the Underworld, several Arkhamites had gathered in the main room of an old apartment to watch the news.  
  
"Reports are pouring in from all over Gotham that an imposter is shamelessly impersonating Batman, mocking and mangling his good nature."  
  
At that phrase, cheers rang through.  
  
"It is hard to tell who is doing it. We have seen MO's by the Scarecrow, Poison Ivy, the Joker, Mr. Freeze, and several others who have recently escaped Arkham Asylum."  
  
More cheers and laughter as the Underworld applauded the Joker. The cheers drowned out the next bit of news. Only Harley, who was listening intently because of her fears, heard the next little bit.  
  
"And now, at this moment, military units are mobilizing to stop the perpetrator of this heinous crime!"  
  
"Mistah J!" Harley gasped. "Someone has to help...where'd they take Robin?"  
  
She slipped off, thinking that if she freed Robin, he could help Batman--- who in turn could stop the Joker. She never thought she would have to send Batman after her own sweetheart, but now the dream was more vivid in her mind than ever before.  
  
~~~  
  
Down below, alarms were sounding as the military started to aim the huge AAA guns to shoot the Batwing down. Upon hearing the gunshots, the Joker grinned.  
  
"Oh, come to help me celebrate?" He laughed, then made a quick tilt to avoid a shot. "I'll take that as a 'no'..."  
  
He flew straight into the clouds, to avoid being seen. 


	8. Realization

Chapter 8: Realization  
  
Harley knew she would have to find Robin---and fast. She quickly racked her brain, thinking of where he would be. As she walked down the street, she somehow realized that he had been sent to Two Face. Harley shuddered. Two Face and the Joker did not normally get along. Gulping, she headed towards his lair.  
  
~~~  
  
As Harley approached, she planned on how to get Robin. Behind her back, she had her trusty boxing glove---always useful for getting past an enemy's goons. She also had a mannequin leg, which she would use to distract Two Face.  
  
'I hope he falls for this old trick...'  
  
As soon as she arrived, Harley carried out her plan. She came up to the door and knocked. One of Two Face's henchmen answered.  
  
"Who goes there?"  
  
"Harley Quinn," said Harley, smiling sweetly. "Mistah J sent me."  
  
The man opened the door. Harley entered, with two boxing gloves behind her back. There were two goons standing in front of her. Just what she had expected.  
  
"What does he want?" asked one of them. "I thought he was on the heist?"  
  
"Boingy, boingy," said Harley in a cute, bubbly voice.  
  
"What?" asked the other.  
  
"Boingy, boingy."  
  
They looked confused. Harley smiled innocently.  
  
"What do you mean?" they asked at once.  
  
Harley whipped out her gloves and fired them quickly, knocking both men out.  
  
"Boingy, boingy."  
  
She laughed for a minute, then slipped over to find Robin.  
  
~~~  
  
"...You see, Robin, the Joker and I never got along. Therefore, I plan to use you to ruin his plans..."  
  
Two Face was tormenting Robin as much as he could.  
  
"I don't see how you will," said Robin, "considering his plan is likely to work."  
  
"He doesn't want you dead yet, Robin. He wants Batman to see it, to crush him, right after he's through destroying his reputation. It's better to kill you in front of him than for him to find out that you're---"  
  
Two Face cut off as he caught something in the doorway. It was a woman's leg, a lovely dainty one, with one red high-heeled shoe.  
  
"What have we here?" asked Two Face, going over to her.  
  
Robin watched, before something cuffed his mouth. He looked down to see it was a little red glove with a white cuff and a long black sleeve.  
  
"Shh," Harley whispered. "I'll get you out of here. I really need your help."  
  
Robin, though confused at why Harley would want his help, nodded as Harley untied him. She was leading Robin to an open air-vent, which was barely big enough for them both to crawl through, when Two Face roared in anger. He turned around, holding the mannequin leg, glaring angrily at Harley.  
  
"What?! You try to make a doof out of me?!"  
  
Harley froze in fear.  
  
"I'll teach you to meddle..."  
  
Harley started to climb through the vent, but Two Face grabbed her leg and pulled her out. The two henchmen, who had by now revived, came in and grabbed Robin who was trying to make a break for it.  
  
"Let go!" Harley exclaimed, trying to get out of his grip.  
  
Two Face grabbed her wrist and pulled her up to his level. Both sides of his face formed a hideous smile.  
  
"I have an even better idea to get back at the Joker, Robin..."  
  
~~~  
  
The Joker was trying to keep the Batwing in the clouds, but clearly that was not an option. Unexpectedly, the clouds ended, and the sky was clearer here. Not only that, but the moonlight seemed to shine down on the Batwing, making it an easier target.  
  
In desperation, he tried to turn around, but a shot blocked his path. He tried again, but another shot hit one of the wings. Another shot hit the nose. The Joker was growing desperate. He opened the hatch to hopefully jump out, but one final shot was looming closer and closer, a great fireball closing in on its target.  
  
There was impact. The cockpit shattered. Luckily, the Joker was on the unharmed wing when it hit. With thoughts of death fogging up his mind, the Joker did the only thing he could think of: he turned off the voice changer and laughed in his normal voice.  
  
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"  
  
His voice carried, fading as he came closer to earth.  
  
~~~  
  
Back in the Underworld, the cheers and laughs had become moans and grief. Though the Joker was not exactly a friend to the others, he was, in a way, their leader, and the plans they had spent so much time coming up with and pulling off---wasted. The revenge against Batman was ruined.  
  
"We should have known this was too good to last," said the Penguin. "We should spread the word to those who are not here."  
  
The Arkhamites nodded and filed out. The Penguin got into his limousine and called out the window through his megaphone.  
  
"Terrible news, my fellow Arkhamites. The worst news yet has come. The Joker has been shot down, and all of our plans have gone to waste."  
  
~~~  
  
"Attention. Attention, citizens. Terrible news," a police officer called as he drove through the streets. "We have shot down the imposter, but Batman is not to be found."  
  
The chaos had died down quite a bit now. Several people were crying. Buildings were burning and homes were destroyed. Rescue workers and police were doing what they could to help the much in need citizens.  
  
"I repeat: although the imposter has been shot down, there is still no sign of Batman."  
  
~~~  
  
In a graveyard nearby, the Joker had landed in the soft grass of the Gotham Cemetery. Nearby, the Batwing was nearly destroyed and on fire. The Joker's mask had come off, and the Batman suit was badly torn and burnt in places. He was on his stomach, the cape covering his body, one gloved hand uncovered by the cloak, near his face. He was bleeding in a few places, and had a small scar along the side of his face. It was indeed small, despite all the blood. His facial expression showed a neutral frown.  
  
Unknown to him, this was how Harley saw him in her dream, but with one main difference---he was alive. The Joker groaned, then got up. For such a fall as this, he had no broken bones, and only a few cuts---a lot of good luck on his part. Shaking the dizziness from his head, he got up. He hadn't expected this.  
  
"My plans," he muttered to himself. "Everything so perfect...everything thought of so well...ruined!" He sighed. "I never expected this to happen. I've...failed." The Joker suddenly grew angry. "No! I didn't fail! It was a success nonetheless! I might have failed ruining Batman's reputation, but I didn't fail into turning Gotham into a night of chaos!"  
  
Something inside the Joker snapped. He threw back his head and laughed his obnoxious, but fun-filled laugh for a few minutes, allowing his voice to ring among the tombstones. He tore off the Batman suit, revealing his usual purple tuxedo with a green shirt, orange string tie, and highly polished shoes underneath, then grinned, feeling better than he had in a long, long time.  
  
"I feel just like my old self again! The Ace of Knaves back! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Watch out, Batman! I shall be back! HAHAHAHAHAHA!"  
  
He suddenly stopped. The Joker knew he would have to set things right, at least with the Underworld. After all, who besides Batman cared about Gotham? He had his reputation to save, to prove he was not a failure, and to prove it, he was going to get Robin. Without another thought, he ran towards the Underworld. 


	9. Two Face

Chapter 9: Two Face  
  
Harley and Robin each had their ankles bound and their hands behind their backs. What was worse was they were tied back-to-back against each other. It was hard to tell who hated it more, as each desperately struggled to get away from the other. Two Face snickered.  
  
"Having fun?"  
  
"If this is what you call fun," Harley replied.  
  
She squirmed, trying to get her hands free.  
  
"Ouch!" Robin exclaimed. "Quit poking my back!"  
  
"I'm not trying to!" Harley snapped.  
  
"Grr," said Robin.  
  
"You two make just the perfect couple," said Two Face.  
  
Harley and Robin each looked disgusted.  
  
"Eeeew," they both said aloud.  
  
"And yet so perfect." Two Face took a step towards them. "Both sidekicks...both small..." He placed two fingers under Harley's chin and made her look at him. "And both completely useless. I think you were made for each other."  
  
Harley moved to bite him, but Two Face pulled his hand back just in time.  
  
"Such a wicked little snake, aren't we?"  
  
"This wasn't in the plan!"  
  
"The plan matters not to me."  
  
"Why? We could be rid of Bats forever!"  
  
"Yes...and I can also give the Joker the perfect revenge. He's been Number One for too long. It's time for someone else to hold the title of Gotham's most notorious criminal...and what better way to break that false smile of his than by getting rid of his dearly devoted Harley Quinn?"  
  
"No!"  
  
"Oh, yes. It's perfect!"  
  
"You-you wait 'til Mistah J finds out about this! By the time he's through with you, you'll be lucky if you---"  
  
She was interrupted by the Penguin's solemn voice.  
  
"The Ace of Knaves is gone. Our beloved Joker has been killed."  
  
Harley gasped upon hearing this. Slowly, she began to cry. Robin, as much he disliked her and the Joker, couldn't help but feel just a small amount of pity. He felt her tremble as tears slipped down her cheeks. Two Face smiled triumphantly.  
  
"This is even better!" Two Face exclaimed. "He's dead! Now I will be Gotham's most notorious!"  
  
Small whimpers escaped Harley's lovely red lips. She stopped struggling, crying softly for the loss of her love.  
  
~~~  
  
The Joker had just entered Two Face's lair. As the henchmen had never closed the door, he heard Two Face talking inside, something about being Gotham's most notorious. He growled. That was HIS title, and his alone.  
  
"Sounds like someone needs a bit of an education..."  
  
Cautiously, he slipped inside.  
  
~~~  
  
"And now, what shall I do with you?" Two Face asked aloud. "The Joker's gone, so I have no use for you." He reached into his coat. "If fate is good to you I'll set you both free, seeing we need Batman, not Robin. If not, you both shall perish. Don't worry, Harley. If fate isn't so good, at least you'll be with Joker."  
  
Harley looked up, her face streamed with tears, a half-scared, half- confused look on her face. Robin was anxious. There was a cling as the silver coin flipped into the air. Robin and Harley both watched as it fell, each hoping that the non-scarred side would come up.  
  
All time seemed to freeze as it flipped through the air. The coin seemed to move in slow motion as it fell to the ground. There was a clang. It landed close enough to them that they saw what it was. Both gasped. The face was scarred.  
  
"I think fate has decided what to do with you," said Two Face.  
  
He cut the ropes that bound them together, though Harley and Robin still had their hands tied behind their backs. He held each by the shoulder and made them walk into another room of his lair. Two Face then used some special clamps that bound them together at the arms and legs, before he pushed them onto a lab table.  
  
~~~  
  
The Joker watched as Two Face herded Harley and Robin into another room. He sneered. Harley was his, and his alone. He continued to follow, keeping well out of Two Face's earshot and view.  
  
~~~  
  
Harley and Robin were lying side by side; both tied up with ropes, the clamps at their arms, wrists, legs, and ankles making it nearly impossible to get off. Two Face pulled out the coin again.  
  
"Now let's see...should I make it quick and painless and behead you both---" he motioned to the guillotine right above them, big enough to behead the two of them together "---or shall I dump you into a pit of the strongest acid available?"  
  
He pushed a button. Suddenly, a circular area of the floor opened like the iris of your eye. Inside was one of the strongest acids known to man. Harley was terrified. She had seen Joker use it countless times---and now it was about to be used on her!  
  
"You copycat!" Harley screamed. "That MO belongs to Puddin'!"  
  
"Belonged to him, you mean," Two Face corrected.  
  
He flipped the coin again. Its edge landed in a crack on the ground so it stuck up straight, both sides showing. Two Face then "accidentally" knocked it over. Once again, then side was scarred.  
  
"Well, that settles it," said Two Face. He turned to Harley. "Thank your 'Puddin'' for your death when you go."  
  
He cranked a lever, slowly tipping the table towards the acid. The fear in Harley and Robin's eyes were greater than any fear either one had ever shown before.  
  
"Bye-bye, Clown Girl and Boy Blunder."  
  
Harley and Robin screamed as the table tipped completely. Two Face was watching the bottom of the table from behind, to see Harley and Robin slip into the acid. But there was nothing. Just silence. Their terrified screams just...stopped.  
  
"What the---"said Two Face, pulling the table back.  
  
Harley and Robin weren't there. In their place was the Joker.  
  
"Hello, Twofers," he said in a calm, playful voice.  
  
"What?!" Two Face exclaimed. "They said you were dead!"  
  
The Joker looked at his hands, almost mockingly.  
  
"I wasn't dead the last time I checked..."  
  
"Then you must be double dead!"  
  
He pressed a button and ran. Joker started to run after him, when the floor began to spin, throwing him off balance. Several metal boards, all in the shape of a life-sized Two Face, popped up. Sword blades shot out of each one, then began to twirl. On the other half of the giant spinning ring, Two Face was casually laying against two of the boards, on the two- inch gap that separated each one.  
  
"If you want me, come and get me, clown!"  
  
From the edge of the ring, Harley and Robin, who were still bound together, were watching. Both were shocked. Harley's face looked relieved as soon as she saw the Joker alive, but her eyes went wide as she looked on in horror. Robin, though he didn't care for the Joker, was horrorstruck as well, seeing the obstacle that Two Face had just thrown out.  
  
The Joker growled. He watched the blades spin for a few seconds, quickly calculating their rotations in his head. He pulled out his trick sword and lengthened it. He slid under one of the blades, his sword clanging against it, stopping it just long enough to give him room to maneuver. He then flipped over another one, then did a few very quick handsprings to avoid two more. Now he was just two figures away from Two Face. He prepared to move again, when Two Face grabbed a chain nearby.  
  
"Impressive," said Two Face, pulling the chain, "but not impressive enough."  
  
The metal figures retracted, but now three life-sized statues of Two Face, each with an extended arm holding a gun, rolled forward.  
  
"Fire!" Two Face ordered.  
  
As he issued the command, Joker jumped on top of the middle one. He then began to step on each of the statues' arms in a kind pattern, laughing as he did.  
  
"Shame you don't have any background music, Harv. HAHAHA!"  
  
The wheel that Two Face was standing on was spinning towards the shooting statues.  
  
"Looks like it will be YOU who's 'double dead,'" the Joker mocked. "HAHAHAHAHA! Come on and join the fun! We'll have a wonderful time...or at least, I will..."  
  
Two Face ran, then jumped, hitting another button. The wheel didn't stop, but it began to slow down. Behind the Joker, a spinning blade was coming up behind him.  
  
"Mistah J, watch out!" Harley screamed.  
  
The Joker looked behind him. He quickly jumped out the way, allowing the spinning saw blade to slice off the shooting arms. He did a somersault as he hit the floor, then sprang onto his feet. Two Face was right in front of him. Now they could have a fair fight.  
  
Suddenly, Two Face stepped back, stomping on a button. He catapulted himself onto a chain that was right above the acid pit.  
  
"So long, Joker!" he exclaimed as the chain pulled him up.  
  
The Joker was furious. Almost out of nowhere, he pulled out Harley's boxing glove.  
  
"How dare you treat my Harls like this! No one threatens her except ME, you hear?"  
  
He aimed at Two Face and fired. Two Face let go, but hastily grabbed the chain again. His two-faced coin slipped from his coat.  
  
"No! My coin!"  
  
It fell into the acid. A sickening hissing noise was made as the acid ate at the metal.  
  
"Now look what you've done!" Two Face shrieked. "My coin! My coin!"  
  
"You're lucky that's all that fell!" Joker exclaimed.  
  
Two Face clung to the chain, holding it for dear life. The Joker then ran over to where Harley and Robin were sitting.  
  
"Mistah J!" Harley said.  
  
The Joker was quick to untie her, though he couldn't seem to get the clamps that bound her to Robin.  
  
"Everything's fine, now, Harls," he said.  
  
Harley hugged him as best she could with her one free arm. He hugged her back, then placed two fingers under chin, having her look at him.  
  
"Harley, I can't believe that, until now, I've never realized that you---"  
  
He cut off as Two Face, who could no longer hold on, let go of the chain. Suddenly, a thin black rope attached to a metal black object wrapped around his legs. He hung, five feet above the acid, two feet away from the pit. Should the rope break, he would just barely miss falling inside. The Joker soon realized the black object was a thin metal bat.  
  
Batman and Batgirl jumped down. The Joker looked on in horror and quickly ran off. Batman and Batgirl each threw a Bat-A-Rang, but both missed. Batgirl then ran over to Harley and Robin. She quickly untied Robin, before she realized both were clamped to one another.  
  
Batman started to run after the Joker, but he had gotten a good head start. He then turned to Two Face, who was still hanging upside down. He threw a Bat-A-Rang and cut the rope. Batman caught Two Face when he fell and quickly Bat-cuffed him. He then stole the key to the clamps and threw it to Batgirl.  
  
"Take care of him for me," said Batman. "I need to go find the Joker."  
  
With that, he ran off.  
  
"Why did he attach you both, anyway?" asked Batgirl, unlocking the cuffs.  
  
"Several reasons," said Robin. "Humiliation, mockery, disability to escape..."  
  
"He said we belonged together," added Harley, "but we don't. I belong with Mistah J; he belongs with you."  
  
Batgirl was slightly taken aback by her remark, and she and Robin looked at each other. Both shook their heads. Harley didn't notice. She sighed dreamily, thinking of Joker.  
  
"But he deserted you," said Robin. "The second he saw Batman, he broke off in mid-sentence and ran away!"  
  
"He'll be back," said Harley. "He always comes back."  
  
As soon as they were free, Batgirl Bat-cuffed Harley. For once, she didn't resist.  
  
"He saved us," she said.  
  
"More like he saved you," said Robin. "He only saved me because we were connected to each other. I was only a bonus"  
  
"He still saved us both."  
  
"Come on," said Batgirl, gently pushing her in front. "Arkham is waiting."  
  
Harley sighed.  
  
"Yeah..."  
  
~~~  
  
The Joker was several blocks away from Two Face's lair. He sighed, feeling empty again. He thought of his plans going up in smoke, and how nothing had turned out right. He thought of his attempted ally with Ivy, which didn't work out. He thought of Two Face and how he tried to kill Harley along with Robin.  
  
He sighed. Harley. She was the only key to filling his emptiness. Without her, he was nothing. Had he not arrived in the nick of time, she would have been gone, and the emptiness inside of his heart would have remained forever.  
  
The Joker stopped and looked back. Arkham Asylum. That's where they'd be keeping her now. He stopped to think for a minute, then made up his mind. He ran towards the institute for the criminally insane. It was there where he would find his happiness, the filling to the emptiness inside him.  
  
As he was running, a dark figure stepped in front of him. It was Batman.  
  
"Hello, Bats," he said cheerfully. "Come to take me away?"  
  
"That is exactly what I intend to do."  
  
The Joker smiled at him.  
  
"Then carry on!"  
  
Batman looked a bit puzzled. At first, he expected this to be some kind of trick, but after a minute, he decided that the Joker was serious. He Bat- cuffed him and led him away. The Joker went along willingly, as though Arkham were the greatest place on earth. 


	10. The Joker's Back!

Chapter 10: The Joker's Back!  
  
The rest of the Arkhamites were there, as Batman's fights with Clayface, Croc, and Scarface's men had led them to uncover the secret of the Underworld. He had led in most of the police force to clear the Underworld of Gotham's crooks.  
  
"It was fun while it lasted," said the Riddler, now Edward Nygma.  
  
"Such a shame it had to end so soon," said Selina Kyle, the unmasked Catwoman.  
  
"I just hope Harley is all right," said Pamela.  
  
Jonathon Crane, the Scarecrow, perked up.  
  
"Look! It's Batman---and the Joker! He's still alive!"  
  
Pamela looked disgusted.  
  
The Joker grinned at his accomplices. They smiled and waved. A few cheered. The news spread like wildfire throughout the asylum.  
  
"Joker's back!"  
  
"Joker's back!"  
  
"Joker's back!"  
  
The Joker's grin never faded.  
  
"It's great to be home!"  
  
"Have a nice stay," said Batman, coolly.  
  
"I will for now!"  
  
Robin was there. He went up to Batman and whispered something in Batman's ear. Batman looked a bit surprised, but then smiled.  
  
"I guess we can give her something to show our gratitude for at least attempting to save your life..."  
  
Robin smiled, then left with Batgirl, while Batman took the Joker to a certain cell. He turned to the Joker.  
  
"One hour, and that is all."  
  
Behind the glass, Harley Quinn was there, still dressed in her black and red Harlequin outfit, as she had arrived only minutes before. She was sitting there on her bed, her eyes cast downward, her hands daintily placed in her lap, and her figure half-hidden in the shadows. She looked up as the cell opened, and the Joker walked in, smiling, looking as dashing as ever, despite the cuts he had received in his fall. He came up to her, and gently took her hand.  
  
"Harley," he said, "can you ever forgive me?"  
  
Harley gave him her most beautiful smile.  
  
"Of course, Puddin'!"  
  
She threw her arms around his neck and kissed him passionately, smiling as she did. The Joker smiled and kissed her back, for at last, the empty space was full. 


	11. Epilogue

Chapter 11: Epilogue  
  
ROBIN:  
  
And finally, everything turned out just fine.  
  
Gotham was saved, though there wasn't much time  
  
But after that night, things were never the same.  
  
Never again would each criminal take part in Joker's game  
  
And though that one night, things got out of hand  
  
The Arkhamites are still fond of their Joker man  
  
It was later that night where I thought I'd drop in.  
  
The Joker was there, dressed in white and a grin  
  
Though his hour with Harley had long since been spent  
  
The authorities told me that he came here like a gent.  
  
That surprised me, as to separate them was hard to do  
  
But when I went to his cell, I saw it was true  
  
He was sitting there calmly, a smile on his face  
  
Relaxing against the wall, with not a hair out of place  
  
He looked so calm, I was almost afraid  
  
But for some strange reason, it was there that I stayed.  
  
I don't know how and I'll never know why  
  
But I looked at him with a shrug and a sigh  
  
I thought for a minute, then made up my mind  
  
Wondering if I'd regret this in time.  
  
And then I asked him, "Would you do this all over again?  
  
"Even if you knew this would happen then?  
  
"Would you have tried to take over this place?  
  
"Even if it meant for you, a slight change of pace?"  
  
And he smiled like the old Ace of Knaves that I knew  
  
Then turned, and asked softly of me, "Wouldn't you?"  
  
~~~  
  
~For HL [killinjoke], Shock1, Panic, and SD~ 


End file.
